Embryo Adoption

Without meaning to, I was a little bit vague and a little bit confusing on my last post.  So to clarify: when I said we would be adopting Tucker as the tiniest of all babies….I was referring to the relatively new embryo adoption. 

And we are so stinkin’ excited we can’t even begin to contain ourselves.

Embryo adoption refers to the adoption of one of 400,000 frozen embryos worldwide, (many) of whom were created during the IVF process and were then frozen indefinitely once their genetic parents felt like their family was complete. 

Adoption of an embryo is a process very similar to that of domestic infant adoption, and yet uniquely tragic in that the actual embryo is viewed as property in the eyes of the law...not a baby.  At its core, legally speaking, embryo adoption is a legal agreement transferring ownership of the embryo from the genetic parents to the adoptive parents, and it carries with it none of the tax credits or incentives that traditional adoption allows.   

To us, this view of life is a tragedy. We believe that life begins at conception, we believe that these waiting lives are precious and worthy and our hearts are incredibly tenderized to them.  To us, these waiting embryos represent a population of innocent, precious lives that have no one to fight for them.  They have no advocates.

Each year, genetic families decide whether or not to keep storing their embryos, and from experience we know that the fee to freeze and store embryos is upwards of $500 a year.  Genetic parents who are done building their families and find themselves with ‘leftover’ embryos have three choices: (1) donate the embryos to science, (2) continue storing their embryos or (3) have their embryos destroyed. Destroying an embryo involves thawing that precious little life….and then letting it die right there on the table.

I can’t stomach it. 

This is where embryo adoption comes in.  There is no cost to the genetic family, and if they choose to donate their embryos to an embryo adoption agency, they suddenly find themselves in a situation very similar to a birth parent in a domestic adoption.  They get to choose the family who will adopt their embryos through a mutual selection process, and they get to specify what kind of adoption plan they want to write; open, closed, or anywhere in between. 

To adoptive parents, embryo adoption is unique in that the mama gets to carry her baby in her womb.   When the baby is born, the adoptive parents are the only names on the birth certificate.  Legally speaking, the genetic parents have no claim to any baby born after the embryos transfer hands.

So what does the process look like for us?

First, we complete a home study.  Our home study is the exact same study that would be completed for a domestic or international adoption, with the same costs.  After we have a completed home study, we will create a family profile to be shown to genetic families.  From there, it’s a mutual selection process.  Genetic families will be shown our profile, and if they choose us, their family/embryo profile will be sent to us.  In essence, we’ll choose each other.  Once a match has been made, the legal paperwork is completed regarding the adoption of the embryos, and we make arrangement to have them shipped to our fertility clinic OR we can travel to them.  It takes about two months to prep my body for a frozen embryo transfer, and a day for the FET to take place.  All in all, it’s a 5-13 month process to transfer day, and then….9 months to deliver a baby. 

Like I said, our heart are incredibly tender to embryo adoption.  In fact, the agency we are adopting through is the same agency we had planned to use should anything have happened to me/us and I hadn’t been able to go back for all of our own babies.   We had a plan in place for their safety through adoption, and now we find ourselves on the other side of the table. 

The obvious fear with embryo adoptions is that the embryos wouldn’t attach.  That the FET wouldn’t be successful, and we’d walk away at the end of the process with empty arms.  We aren’t naïve to that risk; we’ve been there before.  But God has so clearly and swiftly set our feet upon this path, and we are eager to walk each step with Him as He leads us to baby Tucker.  We are believing in expectation that God will be faithful each step of the way.   

I've long believed that one way God ministers to me in my own life is through music.  Truly.  In some of the biggest valleys of my life, God has spoken to and delivered hope and reassurance to my soul through song.  There are a handful of songs that bring me to tears in an instant; because they remind me of times that God clearly used them to speak to me.  The day after we found out we'd lost the twins, I was driving in my car as the song "Fix My Eyes" came on the radio.  I'm sure I must have heard it dozens of times before, but that day I really listened to the words, and this is what I heard: 
Hit rewind, click delete
Stand face to face with the younger me
All of the mistakes
All of the heartbreak
Here's what I'd do differently, I'd

Love like I'm not scared
Give when it's not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on You
On You

I learned the lines and talked the talk
But the road less traveled is hard to walk
It takes a soldier
Who knows his orders
To walk the walk I'm supposed to walk

We're on it, Lord.  We're fixing our eyes on You.  This road is hard, and we're afraid of all the what ifs.....but Tucker?  So worth it.  

 

A New Beginning

Dear Tuck,

Hi baby, it’s your mommy.  You and I don’t know each other yet, but your face is already so alive in my heart, and my arms are already aching to squeeze you tight in a giant bear hug.   Someday I hope you’ll read these words and know that you have been loved in every moment.  I hope you’ll know that you were always wanted, and that you were prayed for by name with conviction and passion for years before your birth.  Buddy, your story is being written as I write this.

Your big brother Blake and big sister Lainey talk about you all the time.  Blake prays for you every single night, and we ask God to protect you wherever you are.    Blake says your name in his most precious 3-year-old toddler speak, and it comes out sounding more like “Tuckwer”.  It was daddy who came up with your name.  It was when I was pregnant with your sister, and we had taken a late family walk with your big brother in the stroller.  Daddy and I were dreaming and talking about future names for our babies….and daddy, with a glimmer in his eye and a grin on his face, blurted out the name Tucker.  It was completely out of the blue.  But when I heard it pass through his lips, it was almost like the name lingered there in the still breeze of that warm summer night.  Tucker.  I knew it right away.   You, my precious one, were meant to be part of our family. 

We didn’t know then what path would lead us to you.   God has given all three of you such unique stories;  such God-breathed, beautifully written masterpieces crafted by the Creator of the Universe.    I know that God has something great in store for our littlest Breitenstein; that the plan for your life will be as masterfully written as every delicious detail and plot-twist He’s written for our family through every season of life.  Tuck, know that we’ve been searching for you.  And for a little while, we thought we’d found you.  But before that path led us to you, our precious babies were born into Heaven’s gates.   We grieved that loss completely and intimately, but daddy and I also realized right away that our loss was really just a reminder that we hadn’t found you yet.  Those little loves are your siblings, and someday we’ll all reunite on golden street with incredible shouts of joy….but God’s plan for their lives was never on Earth.  We know that.  As much as we wanted and loved them….they weren’t you.  

And we’ve been waiting for you.

When God laid your name on our hearts, it was almost like he carved a Tucker-sized hole that was literally waiting for your life to fill it—to come and make our family whole.   When we lost our last pregnancy, we prayed.  We cried.  We asked God to open the door that would lead us to you.  And Tuck, he did.   God showed up in that moment and ever so tenderly righted our feet, dusted off our shoulders, and opened the door that we know will lead us to you.

And so now we walk.  Sweet love, we’re coming for you.   Today we were assigned our caseworker, who will walk us through the early steps of your adoption.   We are adopting you as the tiniest of all babies, choosing you and carrying you in the same way I carried your brother and sister.  My love, we are ecstatic to begin walking this road to you, and yet….we’re scared, too.  We’re scared that we might walk through this process and still not find you; that we’ll come home with empty arms.   It’s a terrifying thought because we want you so desperately.  

But Tucker, daddy and I have chosen courage.  Courage to go where led and to fight for you.   We know you’re worth it.  We know God has set our feet on this path and we will walk it for Him, and we will walk it to you.   

Sometimes faith means trusting that God’s view squashes our Polaroid.  Sometimes it means boldly walking where others might not choose to go, and always it means rejecting our humanity and choosing to yield control to the One who so intimately holds us in His hands.  Tuck, sometimes faith means jumping when you can’t clearly see the landing spot.   It's a little bit terrifying, but oh what a view on the way down…and what a reward when you find yourself standing with two feet planted squarely on the mountaintop.   I think that’s what it truly means to put feet to your faith.      

So Tuck?  We’re jumping.   

Just a few hours ago, I got hopelessly lost while trying to pick up a pair of pants for your brother from someone's front porch, and as I pulled u-turns in driveways and drove up and down the same street over and over, peering at addresses and clearly searching for something very specific....Blake piped up from the backseat "What are we doing, mommy??  Are we looking for Tucker?  Is he coming home today??"

Do you see?  It's you.  We all know it.    And we won't stop until we find you.    

Lainey Rose: Two Months

Dear Lainey Rose,

You officially turned two months old today!  What fun we have had this month with you!  We've celebrated my 28th birthday, Mother's Day, and your Grandpa Dal Ponte's birthday.  So many firsts for you :)

Here’s what you are up to this month:

You’ve decided that the car seat is just not your thing.  You don’t like to nap in your car seat, and you don’t like to ride it in.  Period.   In the last few days, though, you’ve thrown us a few bones and done better.  I’ve glanced back at you in the mirror and seen you looking out the window contentedly…so maybe we’re on the upswing with this one! J

Your newborn cry is all but gone.  It makes me a little bit sad that we’ve moved past that, because it just means that that first phase of your life is coming to a close.  It sure does go by fast.

You love your bouncy seat and your play gym!  Your play gym has lights and sounds that absolutely mesmerize you, and you love to talk and smile up at them during play time.

You are so smiley, little love!  Your smiles are big and bright and absolutely melt this mama’s heart.  You have a dimple on your left cheek that I cannot.stop.staring at because it is just the most precious thing ever.  I’ve never met a baby with a smile as beautiful as yours.  You literally smile with your whole face—your smiles are wide open and your eyes light up and sparkle. Did I mention that it melts my heart? J

The second month of your life has brought us an explosion of baby coos!  There is nothing I love more than when you lock eyes with me, give me the biggest, brightest smile and then start talking to me with those sweet baby coos.  You are so very expressive with your voice!  I’ll talk to you and you’ll talk back.  You make me feel like the most important person in the world, and those moments with you are some of my very favorite.  I’ll treasure them my whole life through.  I just love you more than words can say.

We’ve been out and about a bit more this month, and you truly do SO well.  You love to look out and observe everything around you, and you hardly ever fuss.  You’re content to just be held and look around.  You make it so easy. 

You’re still a bit of a peanut because of your severe reflux.   We were at the doctor a lot this month trying to get that under control.  Baby girl, you still spit up more than I even knew was possible.  We’ve switched your reflux meds a few times, cut soy and dairy out from my diet, given you probiotics, and even taken you in for an abdominal ultrasound (to make sure your tummy was formed correctly) to see if we could help you out. Nothing made a huge impact, but everything combined seems to have helped a bit. Your doctor just told us that the plan is to manage it as best we can until you grow out of it…so that’s exactly what we are doing!

Because of your reflux, weight gain has been hard for you.  You had to go in for weight checks about every third day until you were 6 weeks old.  You consistently gain about ½ an ounce a day, which is about half of what your doctor would like to see you gain.  But, because you’re consistent, you seem to have found a growth curve and have done well sticking to it!  As long as that continues, we’re happy to let you grow at your own pace.

At your two month check-up, you weighed in at 11.1 pounds and were just shy of 25 inches.  That puts you in the upper 90^th percentile for length and just about the 50^th for weight. You are our long and lean little princess!

Because of how long you are, you fit very nicely into 6 month clothes.  Your 3 month clothes are all too short and I’m not able to button them!  It’s funny to me that you can be so little, and still wear clothes two sizes bigger than you actually are!

Daddy and I dedicated you and Blake at our church on Mother’s Day.  That was a very special day for our family, and a very special day for daddy and I.  We stood before our church family and made a promise to do our best to raise you up into a woman who knows and loves God.  We promised to be an example for you, in words and deeds, of the great Love of the Father.  Truly, little one, there is no greater gift than daddy and I can give you in this life.  It has been, and continues to be, our greatest prayer.  That you will grow into a woman who loves the Lord with all her heart, and all her soul, and all her mind.  You were created to do great things.  We aren’t perfect people, and God has given us these roles in your life for a very specific purpose..and it is our deepest desire to be faithful to that.

Your big brother continues to be your biggest fan!  He LOVES you.  He loves to climb up on the couch, pat his knees, and proclaim “SIT! Lainey, sit!” until I put you down next to him. He is SO serious when you are sitting with him. He is so still, so aware of the fact that his baby sister is so near to him.  He is so very gentle and careful with you, and it melts my heart.  When you cry, he looks up at me with big, sorrowful  eyes and says, “Lainey sad?”  He just adores you.  The relationship the two of you are building now is so precious to me, and will be one of the most important relationships of your entire life.  Trust me on this one, baby girl.  Your Uncle Tony is one of my most treasured friends. 

I went back to work teaching kindergarten part-time this month.  You and your brother spend four hours each morning with your Grandma.  You have done SO well!   We are so blessed and so thankful that you have such a wonderful  grandma who is able and willing to watch you and your brother.  I’m always so excited to come pick you up at noon!

You are sleeping so well!  We start bedtime at about 7:30 every night, and you’re generally in bed by 8.  You still put yourself to sleep, which we know is incredible, and sleep until about 3AM.  I feed you in our room and you’re usually back in bed, sleeping, about half an hour later.

During the day, you take 2-3 naps.  Usually one from about 7-9,then again from 10:30-noon, and one last afternoon nap at the same time as your brother—around 1:30- or so.  Naps vary from day to day in how successful we are.  You always take them very well, as in you will very happily stay in your crib and entertain yourself for the full 1.5 hours, but you don’t always sleep.  On those days, you’re a bit crankier come bedtime J  But we are so very thankful that you are so easygoing and happy!

You ROLLED OVER from your tummy to your back twice this month!  How crazy is that?! It happened twice—both on the same night—when you were 6 weeks old.  You haven’t done it since, but to see you actually roll over totally floored me.  Your big brother didn’t even attempt that until he was almost 6 months!! 

 

 

Little Lainey Rose, we have loved this month with you in our lives!  You fill a void in our family that we didn’t know existed until you arrived.  Now that you’re here, we cannot imagine what life was like before you.  You are our treasure.  God has blessed our family so tremendously, and we try every day to never take that blessing for granted.  You are perfect, and so very loved. Do I tell you that enough?  When you lock eyes with me, there is incredible recognition reflected back at me from those baby blues.  You know me.  I find that so incredible.  We’re connected in such a tangible way, and that realization still takes my breath away. No one else on this earth gets to call you their daughter, and I am the blessed woman who you will one day call mama.  I can’t wait for the next moment with you, baby girl.  Here’s to a lifetime of them. 

 
Love forever and always,
Your Mama

Lainey Rose: 1 Month

Well Miss. Lainey, this is the first letter I’ve ever written to you with you in the world!  Hard to believe I’m already sitting down to write your 1 month post.  Your first four weeks have been faster than any I’ve ever known.

Lainey Rose, you are precious.  Daddy and I look at you and see everything that we love the most in this world—there is so much of your big brother in that sweet face, and yet there are so many details that are simply yours alone.  You have the sweetest dimple on your left cheek that lights up your face when you smile. I melt every time I see it. Your eyes are a murky blue that seem to search us out wherever we are.  Your perfect fingers and toes are long and lean—piano fingers—and grasp onto mine with a gentle intensity that reminds me just how connected we are.  You and me.  Your skin is the color of honey, and so smooth.  Your pouty lips pucker when you’re asleep in my arms, and that sweet little nose is so perfectly shaped to fit onto your little round face.  You are just perfect.  Loving knit together by the Creator of the Universe.  Every details literally takes my breath away.  We are in awe of you, Lainey Rose.  I cannot stop staring at my beautiful baby girl, and each day the intensity of my love for you grows.    

Here’s what you’ve been up to this month:

·       Your big brother loves you!  The first thing he asks for when he gets up in the morning is his “La-ne? La-ne?”  He loves to go into your room and peek at you in your crib.  He’s a big helper when I change your diaper, he retrieves your binky and (shoves) it in your mouth (..and then takes it back out and puts it in HIS mouth) and he LOVES to pat your back and say “shhh” when you’re angry about something.  He also loves holding you.  The first time he held you, his eyes got so big and he was so very gentle with you in his arms.  As soon as I picked you up, his little eyebrows furrowed and he furiously patted his legs, exclaiming “SIT DOWN! SIT DOWN!”  I think that was his way of saying he wasn’t done cuddling you yet ;) The relationship I already see you two development is absolutely precious to this mama, and I hope that you always share that special bond that can only exist between a brother and a sister. 

·       You are a great sleeper!  Since your very first day in the world, you’ve slept 4-5 hour stretches at night.  As of right now, your longest stretch is 6 hours and we wake you up to eat!  In your second month of life, we’ll start letting you sleep as long as you want.  Big brother slept through the night at 6 weeks…we’ll see what you’re planning!

·       You are a very content little girl.  In the early weeks of your life, you would show your unhappiness with a fussy little newborn cry that was so sorrowful that it broke mama’s heart.  But that didn’t last long, and these days we really don’t hear you cry much at all!  After I feed you, you love to be awake and looking around at everything around you.  I can set you on your play mat and you’ll lie there for 20 minutes or so—just kicking your little feet and waving your arms.  Blake usually gets down on the floor with you and talks to you.  It’s precious.  I need to go over to grandma and grandpa’s house to get a few more of our itty bitty baby toys out of their attic for you to play with. I think you’re almost ready!  You ALSO love to watch our ceiling fan in the living room go around and around. 

·       Today, you smiled for the very first time!  You had been sick with your very first cold, and after a long night daddy and I had you out in the living room for your morning nursing session. I had just finished feeding you and daddy was holding you—just talking to you and snuggling, and you were cooing back at him contentedly…when all of a sudden, you locked eyes with him, and gave him the SWEETEST grin complete with that precious little dimple. Daddy was so excited!!  I caught the whole thing from across the room and rushed over to see if you had a smile in there for mama too…but no such luck J  Already a daddy’s girl!

·       Along with your first smile, your first month also brought about the beginning of those sweet little baby coos.  You started cooing on your play mat a few days ago, and I caught a sweet video of it that I just love.  I was on the phone with daddy when you started, which was so special, because I was able to hold the phone down and let daddy hear you talk!  He loved it, and so did I!

·       In terms of your stats, you weigh 9 lbs 13 ounces, or just shy of 10 pounds, and were 21 inches long at your 2 week check up.  I’m not sure if you’ve grown more since then.  You’re wearing size 1 diapers (although we are using cloth diapers on that adorable little baby booty!) and 3 month clothes. I only had a chance to put you in newborn clothes for about a week!  Then we moved on to 0-3 month, but most of those have since been put away as well.  I’ve rotated in all your 3 month and some of your 3-6 month clothes.  You’re growing well, but it still amazes me that you are a full half pound less than your brother weighed at BIRTH.  I call you my peanut, but everyone is quick to remind me that you’re not a peanut…only when compared to your big brother J

·       You’ve met some very important people in your life this month, including all your grandparents, aunt and uncles, and sweet friends that are like family. Everyone adores you. 

·       Little lady, you’ve been to the doctor a lot this month!  We had to take you in several times in the first few weeks of your life to get your reflux under control.  Baby girl, your fountains of spit up were no joke.  I was just sure you couldn’t possibly be growing with everything that came back up after we were done nursing.  We started you on medication early, and just yesterday took you in to have your meds changed to hopefully see more of an improvement.  You’ve now had two doses of your new reflux meds, and we’ve been a HUGE improvement!!  We’re hopeful this will do the trick for you!  Even with the reflux issues, you’ve gained 8 ounces in 10 days, which keeps you solidly on your growth curve.  I’m just excited to see those fat rolls grow now that we’ve hopefully figured out how to keep more of that milk in your tummy!

·       You also had to go to the doctor this month for your very first cold.  This scared your mama more than I can say, to have my itty bitty 4 week old snotty and congested and struggling to breathe.  Just heartbreaking L  Daddy and I had been holding our breath for weeks, because daddy got sick the week you came home from the hospital and then Blake came down with a cold last week.  I even got a stuffy nose, which meant that 3 out of 4 of us had succumbed to the virus!  It was only a matter of time for you.  Luckily, you were the last to get sick, which gave you extra time to get that immune system working!  This is day two of your cold, and after giving us quite a few scares yesterday, today you are much happier and seem to be on the upswing!  Yahoo!

·       You take some great naps during the day.  You’ll generally cat nap in the car between 7-8 as we take daddy to work, and then you go down for your first real nap of the day between 10 and 10:15.  You’ll sleep for about two hours.  Then, after lunch you AND Blake will nap from about 1-3.  We pick up daddy from work at 4, and sometimes you’ll snooze in the car, and then it’s dinner and you go down for the night at 7.  Right now, we’re getting you up at 8:15 for a bath and then a final feeding before your bedtime at 8:30.  We’re thinking of switching that up a bit and moving your bath time up to around 7:30 so we can have you in bed by 8.  We’ll see!  So far, you seem to be very agreeable and very flexible as we tweak things in your schedule. 

Baby girl, I could go on and on about life with you, but really all you need to know is that you are loved every moment of every day.   You have been prayed for since long before you ever entered my womb, and we have loved the promise of you since God put that desire in our hearts many years ago.  Becoming your mama has been a journey I’ve been on my whole life, and it will take my whole life to complete it.  I pray every day that God will continue to mold me into the woman He intended me to be to raise you up into the woman He intended you to be.  You’re our bright light, Lainey girl, and more than that….you’re HIS bright light.  It’s the literal translation of your name, and it’s our most heartfelt prayer for your life.  Shine, sweet girl.  May nothing in this world ever put out the blazing light you were born with—the light that comes from being a daughter of the KING.  

We love you, Lainey Rose.  Our lives have been immeasurably blessed by the gift of you.  Here’s to your second month in the world!

Love always and forever,

Your Mama

My Littlest Loves

My littlest loves,

Today was such a special day for daddy and I.  It was the day of our first ultrasound of the two of you.  We woke up today with such excitement!

When the doctor brought the image up on the ultrasound screen, right away I saw you.  My eyes instantly searched the screen for the sacs that I knew would mean twins, and my darlings, we sawyou. 

Both of you. 

I need you to know that in that moment my heart literally grew.  I felt it swelling with an incredible love that literally burst out of the confines of what had previously been known.  I exchanged excited smiles with daddy, because we knew.  We had seen the evidence of you on the screen, and already, your lives had changed ours.  

 Forever.

I hope that right now, you two are grown with sweet families of your own, and you’re reading this letter with a full understanding of the gift of life.  I hope that you’re thinking back to all the memories you have of growing up in our family; of baseball, soccer, and football games where daddy coached your team and I was your biggest fan on the sidelines--bringing baggies of orange slices and Capri Suns for your whole team.  I hope you’re remembering family vacations, road trips across the country where we had to make one too many bathroom breaks and I snapped hundreds of pictures of every single moment; so intent on capturing the memories.  I hope you’re remembering dinners around the table as a family, wrestling with dad on the living room floor, and splashing through the sprinklers in the backyard.  I hope you’re remembering Sundays spent at church, growing up with an incredible role model in your big brother (he’ll be the best, there is no doubt), and remembering how proud you have always made us.  I hope you’re remembering the joy that you have always brought to our family.  

I hope you're remembering a lifetime filled with love, and I hope you’re looking back now with a full understanding of the incredible grace of the Father, the giver of LIFE, who has filled both of yours with such incredible promise.

I hope you’re remembering those moments, because at THIS moment...we’re waiting on a miracle. 

Today, we saw you.  But today, we were also told that only one of you is expected to survive.  That only one of you is growing.  We only saw one heartbeat.

My loves, it’s hard for me to explain that emotion.  Daddy and I were physically watching on the screen where two heartbeats should have been…and yet, we only saw one.  My swelling heart burst; in sorrow for the heart that had yet to beat, and in joy for the beautiful melody of that one, steady, strong heartbeat.  It was a juxtaposition of emotions that cannot truly be captured in words, even now.  You had to be in that room.  You had to see the promise of two, and yet only hear the lifesong of one.

After the doctor left the room, I turned around on the exam table, took daddy’s hands in mine, and we prayed for you.  For you both.  With tears streaming down our faces, we praised our Mighty God for the incredible blessing of twins.  We thanked Him for entrusting your precious lives into our care.  And we lifted you up; praying for His arms to encircle you both.  To protect you in different ways.  To grow two strong, steady heartbeats where there was only one.  We asked that He would knit you together in the most perfect way; and that this March, he would safely deliver you both into our arms.   

We prayed for you, because today, I am pregnant with my precious twins…and we will never give up on either one of you.

Daddy and I don’t know what the future holds, but we do know that God's love for each one of you is perfect.  That He is lovingly knitting you together in my womb, and that His design is flawless. You are loved now, and You will be loved forever.  If our arms never hold you on this earth, then my heart will be upheld in the knowledge that in the very moment you leave my care…you enter into the waiting arms of the Father. 

It's a truly unfathomable love, and we are trusting you both into that most perfect love; into that most perfect care.

In a week, daddy and I will have another ultrasound.  We’re believing, with ever fiber of our being, that God will sustain both your lives.  We serve the God who moves mountains, who commands thewind and the waves, and who surely can accomplish this breath of life.  All glory to Him. He is still in the business of miracles, and what an incredible testimony your lives will be to His glory.  You are already changing hearts, my loves. 

We are so grateful for you, and our love for you knows no bounds.  We will fight for you.  I will carry you; it is the greatest joy and the most incredible privilege I have ever been given.  I will do the job well.  Once again, God has lavished on us His incredible grace. 

And His mercies are new every day. 

As you're reading this letter, I want you to remember that in this moment, daddy and I have chosen trust over fear.  I want you to remember that because, in your life, there will inevitably be moments when you have to make the same choice.  But loves, don't ever take your eye off the prize.  Off thelove that we know as believers and followers of Christ.  This world is imperfect; it's filled with heartache and hurt, and you will feel that.  But if God brings you to it, He is going to bring youthrough it.  In my life, the sweetest moments have been those when God has literally brought me to my knees to remind me how desperately I need Him.  Every single time, every single time, He has met me right there.  He has grown in me a spirit of dependence that I would have never known had He not given me a mountain to climb.  I challenge you now, my precious babies, to look at these trials as an opportunity to put feet to your faith.  To grow outside the confines of every day life and set your eyes firmly on the Creator of all things.  Allow Him to lead....and choose trust over fear.  Sometimes you have to choose it multiple times every single day.  Sometimes you have to dig deep, grasping onto the tiniest shreds of faith that you can find.  And that's okay.  Faith the size of a mustard seed, remember?  I tell you this because, already, your lives have given me yet another opportunity to fine tune my own walk with the Father.  To lean in, to listen, and to trust.   Your lives have transformed mine.  What incredible promise you two have.  What a blessed mama I am. 

You are so loved.  My arms ache already for the day when we will meet face to face.  Tonight I'll be on my knees thanking our Mighty God for my twins; for you two.  Fight hard.  We'll never give up on you.

All my love,
Your Mama