Not this month

Just wanted to let everyone know (because several of you have been asking and I didn't want my blog-silence to be interpreted incorrectly) that we are NOT pregnant this month.  Darn!  I was really getting attached to an April 2011 birthday.... :)

Regardless of the non-pregnancy, we are so thankful to God for the enormous blessings He poured into our lives this month--as I said in an earlier post, we now know that I can get pregnant, and just knowing that is enough.  We are disappointed that it didn't happen this month, but are also trusting God to lead.  We are so determined to follow.

Thank you for praying; please don't stop.  Sometimes I feel like Hannah in the Bible--pleading with God over and over to grant our heartfelt desire for a baby.  And yet, that's exactly what God calls us to do: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6.  God heard Hannah and blessed her with a child, and I know he hears me.  I will wait, and while I do, I will trust. 

"I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." 

Psalms 121:1-2

Good News!

Well, today was our final check-up at OHSU for the month.  We had one last ultrasound done to see how my little ovaries had reacted to the hormone therapy this time around.  And....







....we have nothing but good news to report!! :)

The therapy WORKED and we left OHSU with a "trigger" shot that I inject into my stomach (yeah, I was a little squeamish about the sound of that, too) to cause my ovaries to "lego my eggo" :) Then, we have some serious work to do on our end (*wink, wink) before the two week wait that stands between us and a possibly-positive pregnancy test.  We. Are. Ecstatic.

If nothing else, we now know that I can get pregnant, and that there is nothing physically wrong with me to prevent it from happening.  Just that knowledge alone makes my little heart soar. 

God is so faithful.   We are so thankful.

Please pray for us during the next two weeks.  We will be praying hard for a baby Breitenstein, and we'd love for you to join with us in that prayer.  God's timing is perfect, and we have committed our lives and this journey to Him and His glory.   We don't know what the future holds....but we are excited as we anticipate all that is ahead.

Thank you again for the continued love and support, and most of all, for the prayers.  We feel beyond blessed to have the friends and family that we do.  We love you all so very, very much.

In Him,

A&M

OHSU

Lately, I've come to relish my quiet moments with God in a renewed way.  I'm hungry for them. I can't wait to carve out time in my day to encounter God in a new way.

Often, for me, these moments often take place as I travel from point A to point B alone in my car.  I crank up my Christian music, turn off my brain, open my heart and just listen and praise God for who He is and what He has done.   It's become a treasured time for me--a time to hang out with my Heavenly Father and just pour out my heart.  I literally picture myself sitting in Heaven's throne-room, wrapped in the loving arms of my Savior as we sit and talk about who I am and who He is in me.  I love these moments, because I can feel His arms holding me, and I can sense His Holy Spirit whispering words of love into my very soul.  It rejuvenates my soul. 

This past week, I was having a quiet time with God as I was driving down Highway 22 after dropping Adam off at work.  I was feeling scared and anxious about the upcoming ultrasound at OHSU, and I was telling God about my fears.   I was telling Him how much I want this trial to be over, I was praying for healing, but I was also committing every moment--every step--to His glory.  If this ends tomorrow, I will praise God for his faithfulness and His love.  If this ends in a year, I will praise God for his faithfulness and His love twofold.  If this ends in five years, my praises will not cease.  Why?  Because my heart understand that this is my cross.  This is my journey, this is the path God has laid out for me.  Jesus surrended His will to the greater plan, and when He tells us to take up our daily crosses, He speaks as One who was crucified.   It's humbling to think about. 

I was reading the book Godology by Christian George this week, and there was a description of faith that really struck me.  George wrote, "Christian joy is greatest when the cross is heaviest."  Wow.  Really?  How can you be joyous in the face of life's potholes?  It seems counter-intuitive, and yet, it is so true.  This year has been painful beyond anything else I've ever experienced, but my joy has never been greater.  I have encountered God and He has changed me.  Molded my heart.  Filled in the little holes so it beats only for Him.  I am infinitely grateful for the chance to know my Savior in such an intimate way. 

In the same book, the author relays an amazing discussion between a trapeze artist and a curious onlooker.  The description captures such a tender image of our God, and I wanted to share it: 

"As a flyer, I must have complete trust in my catcher.  The public might think I am the great star of the trapeze, but the real star is Joe, my catcher.  He has to be there for me with split-second precision, and grab me out of the air as I come to him in the long jump...The secret is that the flyer does nothing and the catcher does everything."

"Nothing?" The man replied.

"Nothing.  The worst thing a flyer can do is try and catch the catcher.....If I grab Joe's wrist I might break them, or he might break mine, and that would be the end of both of us.  A flyer must fly, and a catcher must catch, and the flyer must trust, with outstretched arms, that the catcher will be there for him. "

Wow.  Isn't that an amazing description of living with and for God?  In this life, it's not about what we do, because it all points back to Him.  We are who He made us to be, and God never drops his catch.  In the circus of life, we release the trapeze and soar...all the while secure in the knowledge that we can trust our Catcher.  Christ never loses what He wins.  God will never let us fall.
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I want to end this by saying that our appointment at OHSU went very well.  We are very encouraged, and have had our prayers answered in that we saw clear signs that the hormone therapy worked this month.  We go back on Thursday (our 3 year anniversary) to check again and have a definitive answer for what we can expect to see happen this month.  It makes me giggle to see how God orchestrated my cycle, and our appointments, so that this very special and important day will fall on the 3-year anniversary of our commitment to God and each other.  Touche, God, touche. :) He is so good, and His timing so perfect. 

We also want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all the prayers and encouragement.  We felt them on Sunday as we waited for the doctor--just a sense of peace and the knowledge that we were being uplifted.  We ask you to continue those prayers as we wait to see what Thursday will bring.

Love and hugs,
A&M

Painful Circumstance

I’ve been thinking a lot about trials.  About the dichotomy of a loving, compassionate God and painful life circumstances that just don’t make sense.  It’s a question that people ask all the time.  How could a God that loves us allow such painful things to happen to His people?   Why does God want us to feel pain?

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about that at various points over the last nine months.  I’d be lying to say it hasn’t crossed my mind.  And in praying about it and studying the Bible, I’ve come to one really big conclusion.

1. God is not punishing me. 

When we go through trials, the first reaction we often have is to rebel, ask God the hard questions:  Why is this happening?  What I have done?  Why are you doing this to me??

Those are natural questions, but to answer them, we have to take a step back.  I think of life--at any given moment--very much like a Polaroid picture.  A snapshot.  How can we possibly hope to drink in the magnitude of the view if we're stuck looking at only one frame of a panoramic shot?  We just have to step back. 

When I think about trials, my mind wanders to Job in the Bible.  If ever there was a trial by fire, it was given to Job.   

Job was a man who followed God. In the opening verses of Job, the devil recieved permission from God to tempt him--to take his family and wealth from him. The devil struck Job with boils, and yet, he never cursed God. Job's friends and wife pleaded with him to curse God and die, to accept that he was being punished for some unseen wrongdoing, but Job refused to believe it.  He remained strong, and in the end, the Lord blessed him twofold of all that he had lost.

What struck me recently as I was reading this book of the Bible was God's incredible, unwavering faith and belief in His servant.  God allowed Satan to tempt Job, to test him, and to take away all of his earthly possessions.  He allowed him to push Job to the breaking point, because He had faith in the heart and soul of His servant.  He wasn't punishing Job.  He chose Job.  He pointed him out to Satan!  God believed in him.  He was pleased with him, and He wanted to use Job's faith and devotion as a powerful witness.   In verse 8 of chapter 1, God describes Job this way: "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil."

That description gets me every time.

I want God to describe me that way.  "Have you considered my servant Mandy?  There is no one on earth like her."  I want God to use me in a mighty way.  

I don't believe for a second that God gives us trials to punish us.  Instead, I believe that we can look at every valley as God's personal thumbs-up sign--Hey, will you walk this road for Me? I love you, I know you can do it, and I'll walk right beside you the whole way.