In the valley

Well hello again :)

Today we had a mid-cycle check up at OHSU.  We had been hoping to see that the hormone therapy I have been on for the past month has worked and set us back on track for baby-making, but unfortunately, that was not to be.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't dissapointed.  It was a tearful drive home.

Even though it's tough--heartbreaking, really--to hear that the past month hasn't changed anything, I wouldn't go back and change a second of this journey. Not one second. Check this out:

A month ago, I got to sit in the parking lot of Adam's office for two hours as we poured out our hearts to each other, and I got to hold his hand and pray with him as he rededicated his life to Christ.  God could not have given me a more precious gift. 

In two weeks, I'll get to sit in the church I grew up in and watch as my dad baptizes the love of my life in the same baptismal I was baptized in so many years ago.  And my dad baptized me, too.

Is the timing of those events a coincidence?  Never.  God has already used this journey to accomplish great things, and I know that He will continue to do so.  He has touched our hearts and broken our will (not my will, but Your will be done), and shown us how to live for Him, to see His will be done, and to keep our eyes fixed on heaven as we walk through this life He has given us.   We praise Him for his faithfulness, for the amazing doctors at OHSU that He has placed in our lives for such a time as this, and for the promise of what's to come.

I don't have the answers.  I don't know where this road will lead.  I'm human; I feel scared, I feel alone, and I feel broken.  But it's not my humanity that defines me.  I'm none of those things.  I'm being held in the biggest bear hug by my Lord and Savior, and I have faith in the knowledge that He won't let go.  Ever.

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your Holy Word
Even when I cannot see, I still believe.

Thanks for sharing this journey with us.  We again ask for prayer; specifically, for God to work his magic on my body so that when we return to OHSU on Wednesday, we will be met with some positive news.  "And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." -Matthew 19:26


Until next time,

A&M

Journey of Faith

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7). 

I'd like to invite you into our lives for a little bit as I share with you a journey that Adam and I have been on for the past eight months.  We are opening up our lives to share some of the most vulnerable aspects of who we are, and we do so with the full knowledge that we are imperfect people leading imperfect lives.  We don't have all the answers, but we do know The One who does. 

First and foremost, we ask you to partner with us in prayer as we continue this walk of faith.   We ask that you raise your hands in praise with us as we give glory to, and wait upon, our Lord and Savior. 

I guess the best place to start is at the beginning.

A little over eight months ago, Adam and I made the decision that we wanted to start a family.  When we made that decision, we were giddy with anticipation of becoming pregnant and welcoming a new baby into our family.  We had every reason to assume it would happen for us like we had seen it happen for so many other young couples, and we were excited.  We talked about all the things we'd do "next summer" and always had the caveat that I would probably be pregnant.  

As I type this, it's hard to think back to those days.  Summer is upon us, and I'm not pregnant.  We're still learning the reasons for that, and are working with a wonderful doctor up at OHSU to try and "reset" my hormones so they are working at full capacity.   Right now, we don't have the answers.  In many ways, we're in a holding pattern as we wait to see how my body reacts to the medications I've been given.  

Man, it's been rough.     

This has been a journey of heartache, sadness, fear, and anger.  It has been a journey that has pulled us apart, led us into one another's arms, and brought us to our knees.  It has been humbling.  There were days when I was literally crying out to God, tears pouring down my face, as I wondered why this trial was given to us.  There were days when I felt unbelievably alone, confused, and absolutely lost.   

But God's so much bigger than that.   

This has been a journey that has healed us in ways we could never have fathomed, and didn't even know existed.  This has been a journey that has touched our soul, awakened a hunger, and revealed an unshakable promise about who we are and who we were always meant to be.  We have grown.  We have been blessed.  Individually we are not the same people we were when we began this journey, and together we are stronger than ever. 

As I think back to all the lows over the past year, I can't help but pair them with all of the incredible highs.  God has been with us every moment.  He has constantly revealed Himself to us when we were at our lowest, filling us with the peace that comes from knowing that we are not alone, that He is in control, and that there is a finish line....even though we can't see it.   

We are resting in that knowledge. 


This journey isn't over yet, but we want to share it with you.  We want to live it out loud as a testimony to the Almighty God we serve.   Will you walk this road with us?