The one you don't want to miss...

Transformed

Well, I’ve been keeping a secret.

Back in this post, on March 16, Blake went on a very special adventure that I haven't shared with you....until now. 

That was the day that my little family made the very familiar trek up I-5 to a place where we had become very, very familiar over the past year.

We took Blake up to meet our doctor and team at OHSU Fertility.     

The significance of this event is almost unspeakable.  It was as if all the many months of trying; of ultrasounds, medications, consultations, and bad news had finally come full circle...this time, we had our son with us.  It was a moment we had dreamed of, and by the grace of God, we were now living that dream.  

And it was significant because I still remember.

I remember getting off the elevator on the 10^th floor for the very first time, rounding the corner and feeling my heart simultaneously clench and soar when I saw our destination; the Infertility Clinic. It made it so much more real.  We were here; and as much as I hated the reality of our path, I was also filled with so much hope that God had placed us in the place He wanted us.  My heart wanted to believe this would be a place of hope for our family. 

I remember sitting cautiously in the waiting room, searching the faces of the other women and wondering what their stories were.  I remember reading them carefully; studying their body movements, and seeing the familiar lines of fear; of pain.  I remember the unspoken connection between each one of us in that moment even though no words were spoken.  We were sojourners on a road no woman would ever choose to travel.     

I remember our first consultation. I remember sitting on the couch in the big corner office, ankles crossed, running nervous hands up and down my thighs.  I remember smiling reassuringly at Adam, even though it was the last thing I felt inside.  I remember the breath prayers, for healing, for clarity, and most of all, for answers.

And I remember clinging to Adam’s hand as we met the man who would play such an important role in our lives…and just maybe, the man whose life we would play an equally important role in.  Only by the grace of God.

But at the time, I didn’t realize that.

In the months that followed, Adam and I experienced the greatest transformation that God has orchestrated in our lives to date.  He used my infertility, and that clinic of doctors and nurses, to mold us and prepare us for the future He had been perfectly and patiently crafting.  For us. 

The future that included Blake. 

Our time spent at OHSU is precious to me.  Our doctor is precious to me.  God allowed our feet to travel the path of infertility not to harm us, but instead to grow in us a spirit of dependence and trust.  We learned to lean into the partnership that He created in Adam and I, how to enter into community with those He carefully placed in our path, and how to surrender our will to His.  We learned to be a mouthpiece for the love of the Father.  And we learned it all while walking alongside a team of committed doctors and nurses at OHSU.  He intermingled our paths for a purpose that, ultimately, only He knows.  I may never know the why until I find myself in the presence of my Savior on glistening streets of gold.  That’s a reality I’m okay with.  Because for now, in this lifetime and in this story, it was my honor and joy to have been used by the mighty hand of the Father. 

I need to know nothing else. 

And so to simply say that bringing Blake to this place of such God-inspired transformation was significant…well, that seems woefully inadequate. 

In fact, I think this day was the beginning of yet another transformation.

Blake Louis: Eleven Months

 My dear little love,

Yesterday, you turned eleven months old.  Yes, it’s true that in just one short month you will no longer be a baby and you will instead be a toddler. Oh how time flies.  I’ll never forget the way you fit in my arms that hot august night when we met for the first time.  I kissed your cheeks and introduced myself, telling you how much I loved you and relishing the feeling of your sweet body snuggled up close to mine.  I’ll never forget our first moments together, even though every moment since then has been equally incredible.  It must be you making life so sweet, little one :)

This has been a busy month in your life, little man, and here’s what you’ve been up to!

·      You are crawling!  Everywhere.  You crawled for the first time on June 27, it was a Wednesday night, and we were at the park where daddy and I had taken you after picking him up from work. We put you down on all fours in the grass, and you did not like the way the grass felt on your belly, so you held yourself there.  We tempted you to move forward by dangling mommy’s keys in front of you…and sure enough, off you went!  Since then, you have been unstoppable. 

·      You pull up on everything.  You love to explore! 

·      You are cruising on furniture and walking so well holding onto our hands.  You are more than capable of standing on your own, and can for a long time, but you usually get nervous and will reach for our hands to hold.  

·      You get into everything.  You love our cell phones, our computers (especially mommy’s iPad) and love chasing down whatever we have that you aren’t supposed to have.

·      You love to open and close things.  Lately, you are loving to close the door in your room whenever we’re in there with you.  Daddy and I have to be careful, because if we leave you in there playing for a second, you’ll crawl over and shut the door…then stand against it so we can’t get back in.  Tricky.  You also love to open and close the baby gates, and drawers/cupboards in the kitchen.

·      You are really starting to love playing with balls.  I’ve been working on the word “ball” with you—hoping both that you’ll learn what it means and you’ll learn how to say it.  I think you’re starting to figure out what a “ball” is, because when I tell you to go get one, you’ll often crawl right over and pick one up. 

·      Your favorite thing to do with a ball is throw it, and then chase after it, catch it, and then repeat!  So cute.  It entertains for you quite a while.  I just made a little ball pit for you out of a plastic baby pool in our playroom, and you just love to sit in there and throw balls all over the room.  I think it is so precious!

·      You are also a climber.  You try to climb on everything.  I caught you sitting on top of your toy chest one day, and you’ll also tried climbing on the lowest shelf of your bookcase.  Daddy and I recently bought you a little climbing toy with a slide, and you’re trying really hard to figure out how to climb up the little baby rock wall on it.

·      You talk all the time, and say lots of things that sound like words…but nothing with meaning yet.  I think you know ‘dog’ and will say it occasionally, but not too often.  We think you are very advanced because you often repeat letter sounds over and over.  You love the “shh” sound, the hard “t” sound, and lately it’s been the “g” and “k” sounds.  I really don’t know how you picked it up, but those are sounds that we teach beginning readers...so I am pretty impressed that you picked them up yourself at eleven months. Smarty pants :) You’ve also been saying ‘bababa’ this month, so maybe we’ll get a ‘dada’ soon.  Now, if I could just get you to say ‘mama’…

·      You can wave, but have just been too busy exploring everything around you to bother with that particular skill.  I don’t think I’ve really seen you do it this month. I’ve been trying to get you to clap, but you don’t like it when I do it for you…so I’m sure you’ll let me know when you’re ready to give it a try :) You are a stubborn little man, and you do things in your own time. 

·      This month, you started taking baths in the big tub!  You love it.  You love to splash, and you are fascinated by the faucet.  Daddy gives you a bath every night, and I love listening to the two of you.  You do not like getting out of the tub, or getting your diaper and jammies put on. 

·      We got you a new pool this month!  It is so fun, with a little slide and little water ‘sprinklers’ and a ring toy.  I think you like it, but it has to be used while attached to the hose, so the water is always cold.  When I first put you in, you cling to me and suck in your breath really fast.  So funny.

·      We took a weekend trip with grandma and grandpa and Uncle Tony this month.  We stayed in a big cabin right on the river, and we had lots of fun fishing, sitting out in the sun, visiting new towns, and just being with family.  You slept in your in mommy and daddy’s room, and did so great!

·      You celebrated your first Fourth of July with a trip to the zoo!  We were also celebrating grandma’s birthday, which is the day before.  You had so much fun!  This was your second trip, and I can’t wait for us to take you when you’re a bit older so you can really enjoy the animals!

·      This month, you’ve had lots of play dates with friends!  I just love seeing you interact with other kids.  You seem to do best when we’re at our house, because you’re the most comfortable here and will just take off and play.  When we go other places, you love to just observe.  And that’s okay!

·      You still love Toby and Emma.  You especially love to grab clumps of their hair, tug on their ears, or try and eat their paws.  You are fascinated by their nails.  They are so good with you, very tolerant, and will usually just let you have at it. We are working on the word “gentle”…haha!

·      You know the word “no” and will pause and look at me when I say it.  You usually stop and choose to do something else, too!  Such a good boy already!! 

·      You just love books!  Mama is so proud!! You love to crawl over and pull each book off your bookshelf, then plop yourself down and read them, turning the pages over and over.  You especially love lift-the-flap books!

·      You are the sweetest, most good-natured baby I have ever met!  Everywhere we go, people always tell us that, and how well behaved (and handsome, duh!) you are.  We agree.  You are just so happy all the time. 

·      You’re still wearing 18 month clothes, and I think you’re probably close to 24 pounds.  You have at least 10 teeth (just cut a canine and a molar, ouch!) and maybe two more trying to poke through.  You handle teething like a champ!!

·      You’re eating three meals a day, and there’s not much we withhold at this point.  You eat whatever we’ve got, and you either love it…or if you don’t, you’ll throw it onto the floor. You mastered drinking from a straw, which has opened up a whole new world of sharing mommy’s smoothies.  And I use the term ‘sharing’ very loosely…because you are more than a little demanding ;)  If I offer you a sip, I better be prepared to relinquish that drink real quick!  

Pretty amazing month, huh!  I could never have imagined how much you would change in those thirty days.  Grandma and I were talking today about how you are entering a stage of life where you are literally changing every single day.  It’s so true.  You are growing and exploring and learning right before our eyes, and watching you grow is the single greatest joy I have ever experienced.  Your joy bring me joy.  So much more joy than I could have ever anticipated.  I’m so thankful to be your mommy; it’s the best job I’ve ever been given and I am committed to being intentional with your moments.  I know I say it a lot, but your moments go by so fast and I’ll never get them back.  I know God created me to be here with you, in each of your moments, and I want to be aware of what a gift that is.  Not every mommy gets to snuggle their baby every single day.  I do.  You are an incredible blessing. 

Little man, I’m going to say what I say every month, because it never ceases to be absolute truth: you are loved.  Profoundly.  Completely.  Deeply and wholly. 

Don’t you ever forget it. 

Love you so much baby boy!  Next time I write, you will be ONE YEAR old!!! 

Love,

Your Mama