Transformed

Well, I’ve been keeping a secret.

Back in this post, on March 16, Blake went on a very special adventure that I haven't shared with you....until now. 

That was the day that my little family made the very familiar trek up I-5 to a place where we had become very, very familiar over the past year.

We took Blake up to meet our doctor and team at OHSU Fertility.     

The significance of this event is almost unspeakable.  It was as if all the many months of trying; of ultrasounds, medications, consultations, and bad news had finally come full circle...this time, we had our son with us.  It was a moment we had dreamed of, and by the grace of God, we were now living that dream.  

And it was significant because I still remember.

I remember getting off the elevator on the 10^th floor for the very first time, rounding the corner and feeling my heart simultaneously clench and soar when I saw our destination; the Infertility Clinic. It made it so much more real.  We were here; and as much as I hated the reality of our path, I was also filled with so much hope that God had placed us in the place He wanted us.  My heart wanted to believe this would be a place of hope for our family. 

I remember sitting cautiously in the waiting room, searching the faces of the other women and wondering what their stories were.  I remember reading them carefully; studying their body movements, and seeing the familiar lines of fear; of pain.  I remember the unspoken connection between each one of us in that moment even though no words were spoken.  We were sojourners on a road no woman would ever choose to travel.     

I remember our first consultation. I remember sitting on the couch in the big corner office, ankles crossed, running nervous hands up and down my thighs.  I remember smiling reassuringly at Adam, even though it was the last thing I felt inside.  I remember the breath prayers, for healing, for clarity, and most of all, for answers.

And I remember clinging to Adam’s hand as we met the man who would play such an important role in our lives…and just maybe, the man whose life we would play an equally important role in.  Only by the grace of God.

But at the time, I didn’t realize that.

In the months that followed, Adam and I experienced the greatest transformation that God has orchestrated in our lives to date.  He used my infertility, and that clinic of doctors and nurses, to mold us and prepare us for the future He had been perfectly and patiently crafting.  For us. 

The future that included Blake. 

Our time spent at OHSU is precious to me.  Our doctor is precious to me.  God allowed our feet to travel the path of infertility not to harm us, but instead to grow in us a spirit of dependence and trust.  We learned to lean into the partnership that He created in Adam and I, how to enter into community with those He carefully placed in our path, and how to surrender our will to His.  We learned to be a mouthpiece for the love of the Father.  And we learned it all while walking alongside a team of committed doctors and nurses at OHSU.  He intermingled our paths for a purpose that, ultimately, only He knows.  I may never know the why until I find myself in the presence of my Savior on glistening streets of gold.  That’s a reality I’m okay with.  Because for now, in this lifetime and in this story, it was my honor and joy to have been used by the mighty hand of the Father. 

I need to know nothing else. 

And so to simply say that bringing Blake to this place of such God-inspired transformation was significant…well, that seems woefully inadequate. 

In fact, I think this day was the beginning of yet another transformation.