One of my biggest fears in this moment is that even one of you will see this outcome as a failure. That even one of you might think that God somehow didn’t hear, or chose not to answer, our prayerful pleas for the lives of our twins.
That is truly my
greatest fear, because it simply couldn’t be further from the truth.
We serve a Mighty God, who loves us desperately and is mighty to save in our
time of need. He hears our calls, and he answers.
Always.
You all joined us
as we prayed God’s protection over these miracles. You stood beside us as we stormed the gates of Heaven asking
that these blessings be delivered safely into our arms. That they be given life.
Well today, my sweet prayer warriors, God delivered.
My precious twins are
safe.
It's not a secret that today’s outcome
wasn’t what I had hoped for. In my
plan, I had dreamed of our life as a family of five.
I had given my whole heart to loving the miracles God had placed inside
of me, and I wanted them both. But God’s plan is greater than mine. His
vision for my life far exceeds what I can see or understand in the moment I’m living in. And today, I am once again reminded of the sovereignty of
the Father. I am reminded that His grace covers me at my weakest, and gives me
the strength to rise again. I am reminded that God can uses even the smallest life to accomplish great things for His kingdom, and I am humbled in the realization that He had chosen these babies to be His mighty warriors. That their tiny lives matter to so many. That they are so wholly loved, and that the baby we lost will forever be remembered.
I am absolutely in awe of our great God, who has already used their precious lives for His glory. He numbered their days long before they entered my womb, and each of their stories is already turning out to be so beautifully unique; so God-inspired. I couldn't be any more proud to be the only one on this earth that gets to be called their mama.
And so today, our prayers were answered. Today, my sweet Jesus protected my babies in wholly different,
and yet wholly perfect, ways. He did give them life. Physical life for one, and eternal life for the other. How can my heart be anything but
overjoyed as I imagine my precious baby growing up on streets paved with gold, sitting on
the lap of our mighty
God, and never having
to experience the troubles of this world?
Make no mistake, any tears that I cry are for me.
For my plans
for that life that will never come to fruition on this earth. They're not for that tiny baby, who at this very moment I just know is getting a gigantic bear hug from the Creator of the Universe in the throne room of Heaven. What an awesome God we serve.
Today I am grateful. For answered prayers, and for a God who chose me to carry these precious twins. Who allowed me
to know them; to see and know each baby and to uplift my little ones in prayer. It was my great honor.
So please, do not for one moment give into the thought that somehow God didn't show up today. He did. And we are forever grateful.
2 comments:
Mandy, I am so sorry for your loss. I have been praying for you since I read your comment on Joanne's blog. I agree with what you wrote 100% and it was a sweet balm reminder. Although we lost our twins, one at a time, I too, know that I will yet see them in heaven and that indeed they are safe in the arms of my Savior.
Will continue to pray for your sweet little one.
Very sorry for your loss. I love your beautiful words. God has truly given you a gift of being able to put his greatness into words. Our loss is Heaven's gain. I lost our first baby at ten weeks pregnant, and to imagine him/her "growing up" in Heaven as you so eloquently put it, is a beautiful thought. Your ability to see God's hand at work through everything is inspiring and amazing. Hugs to you!
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