8 Months

Today I hit 32 weeks, or eight months, with our little guy.  That means we’re 8 weeks away from his due date, and just five weeks away from when he’ll be considered full term.  Holy cow.

Here we are at about 31 weeks:

So what’s new in the pregnancy?

• We had maternity photos taken a few weeks ago, and we love LOVE what we’ve seen so far.  We can’t wait to see the rest!

 

• Blake’s still a big mover.  At our last checkup, he was facing mostly downward, but not yet engaged.  I’m pretty sure this is because he is constantly flipping and turning in my belly!  When I feel him hiccup (usually in the morning) I can tell that his little head is down in the direction it needs to be….so we’ll see what our doctor says next week when we go back.

• I’m pretty sure I doubled in size between months 7 and 8.  Every time I go anywhere, I have people ask if I’m about to pop.  When I respond with no, I have two more months I get a variety of shocked responses.  My favorite was the lady who exclaimed, oh Lord have mercy! and then proceeded to ask me if I was carrying twins, or if not twins, just a moose.  Nope, there’s just one in there.  But thanks for that.

• I’ve been working out 6 days a week for 40 minutes.  I can’t do the treadmill anymore because it’s uncomfortable to walk that long, but something about the motion of the elliptical is just perfect and I could do it forever.  I’m trying to log between 12-15 miles per week, which has been pretty doable.   

• We’re going to the doctor every two weeks at this point, and I think once I hit 35 weeks we’ll switch to every week.  Crazy that we’re already at that point.  Blake is still measuring about a week ahead.

•  So far, we’ve had three beautiful showers for our baby.  His room is stocked with a lot of what he’ll need, but it’s amazing how much more there still is to get.  I guess babies really do need a lot of stuff, huh? We have one more shower in July, and then after that, we’ll hit the stores and pick up whatever we still need.  It’s such a huge blessing to have so many wonderful friends and family who have been so generous in gifting us what we’ll need for our little man.

• Adam is still reading to Blake a lot, and when he’s not reading to him he’s singing him songs or talking to him with his lips really close to my belly.  Adorable.  Watching your husband become a dad is an incredibly tender and romantic experience.  As a woman, I’ve often dreamt of the things my husband would do with our future babies, but seeing it actually come true, and realizing what an incredible dad my kids will have….it melts my heart.  It’s such a special time in our marriage.  I love Adam more today than I’ve ever loved him before…and I didn’t even know that was possible. 

• Nesting is hitting in full force.  Since being off work, I’ve washed every single piece of clothing we own, rearranged our walk-in master bedroom closet, had Adam rearrange our room so our bed faces the hallway (so I can see Blake’s room), been incredibly consistent about not having dishes pile up in the sink, and redone the guest bath.  Still on the agenda?  We’re painting the master bath, redoing a couple pieces of furniture in the living room, and I’m making a bed skirt for our bed.  Phew.  We’ll get there.

• I’m starting to waddle.  Blake sits so low that it’s hard not to.  I don’t do it all the time, but I know as soon as I start, because Adam will laugh at me. 

• I still have no idea how much weight I’ve gained, because I’m still not looking.  I have decided that I’ll weigh myself right as we leave for the hospital.  That way, I’ll know how much I gained in total, but won’t worry about it because I’ll be too busy giving birth!

• We celebrated Adam’s first Father’s Day with a trip to Astoria to visit The Columbia River Maritime Museum.  Adam’s choice, and he loved it!  Here’s a couple pictures:

My parent's bought Adam this for Father's Day!  We are going to have him wear it home from the hospital with Blake :)

And then...before I end this, I want to add in some pregnancy milestones so I don't forget :)

Pregnancy Milestones

• Gender Reveal: 18.5 weeks
• First Kick: I started feeling Blake kick at about 16 weeks
• First time daddy felt him kick: The night we revealed the gender to our families….so at about 19 weeks 
• First Hiccup: 22 weeks

HE'S ALMOST HERE!   

We're so excited :):)

 

A letter to my daddy (Love, Blake)

Dear Daddy,

Mommy tells me that there was a pretty special day recently; a day that’s all about celebrating dads.  Well, I thought that was pretty neat, especially since I have the best daddy of all, and so I asked mom to help me write you this little note (and don’t worry, I’m sure she translated everything correctly, because I was keeping close tabs on her via a few swift kicks to the abdomen…..)

It didn’t take me long to realize that God gave me a pretty special gift in a daddy like you.  I just love your silly giggle (don’t tell, but I inherited that from you…just wait until you hear it, it's pretty cute!) and get so excited when you get down low, really close to mommy’s belly, and talk to me.  Your laugh makes me so happy, and I get so excited at the sound of your voice that I can’t help but wiggle all over!  I’m counting down the days until I can look up at you and share my very best smile…the one I’m reserving just for you, just for my daddy.

I also love what good care you take of my mommy.  She told me how you have to put her shoes on now, and how you wake up with her in the middle of the night to help her find a comfortable place to sleep.  I’m trying to find a comfortable spot too, which is why I get so squirmy in there!  Mommy says you have a heart of gold, and that you are the kindest and gentlest man she has ever met.  She says you’re a man of integrity.  I think that means you’re someone I can look up to.  And that’s a good thing, because you’re already my hero, daddy, just like you’ve always been mommy’s.

I know it took a long time for you and mommy to have me, but I’m glad God had you wait, because if He hadn’t I would never have gotten to have you as my daddy.   God picked the perfect man to watch over me on this earth, and He gave me the greatest blessing in getting to be the only person on earth that will get to call you daddy.  That makes me feel pretty special; pretty loved. 

It won't be long now until I'm ready to have my very first birthday celebration.  I'm getting ready to make my grand entrance as we speak.  I just can't wait to meet you.  I've been waiting so long to see your face, and I know you've been waiting for me, too.  

I already love you so, so much daddy.

Until then, Happy First Father’s Day!  I'm sending you a giant, wet baby kiss that you'll have to wait about 9 weeks to get.  

Oh, and next year? Let’s go fishing.

Love forever and ever,

Your little buddy, Blake 

Daddy Adam

Here's a video of Adam reading to Blake.  This is just a snapshot of an everyday thing at our house....yes, we have a lot of fun :) This man is an absolute goof and I love it.  He's already such an amazing daddy. 



(sorry it's sideways--I didn't realize I wouldn't be able to rotate the video!)

Second Trimester Recap

I’m in my third trimester?

I’m in my third trimester.

I’m in my third trimester!!

We’re looking at only about 12 weeks until we hit Blake’s due date.  We also know it’s true that anytime after 36 weeks (only 8 weeks from now) Blake could come join us. 

Wow.  That hits like a ton of bricks.  We can’t wait.

So what about the second trimester?  Here’s my recap:

Weeks: As of tomorrow, I’m 28 weeks along and officially 7 months prego!  Where does the time go….

Weight Gain: Yes.  The end, no more to say ;)  I’ve gained weight, more than I wanted to, but it seems to pile on no matter what I do.  So, I’m embracing it.  The scale is now living in the closet and I don’t look at the doctor’s office scale anymore.  I don’t want to obsess over the number; I want to marvel in the miraculous journey that is pregnancy. My body is doing what it was designed by God to do; grow a human life.  I’m trusting that my body knows what kind of ‘reserves’ it needs to do that, so whatever is left over once Blake makes his grand appearance, I’ll just lose. 

Cravings: Cereal!  I love love love my cereal.  In fact, I eat it for dinner almost every night.  That also means I’m loving milk.  We buy nonfat milk from Costco because you can get it in bulk.  I go through a package all by myself in under two weeks.  I am also loving fruit: watermelon, grapes, and strawberries are my current favorites.  I usually pick up a prepared fruit dish from Fred Meyer on my way to work in the morning…unless, we have some handy at our house (but we usually don’t, because I’m always munching on whatever we’ve got after work).  Other than that?  Pickles.  Just by themselves, not with anything weird. 

Clothes:  Still wearing a size 2 maternity pant, and XS/S maternity tops…although most of the shirts I wear are from my regular wardrobe.  I find I can pair a maternity tank with almost any shirt and that makes it long enough to cover my belly completely

Movement: This little guy is a mover and a shaker!  It’s been SO fun to see him move so much over the past month.  I feel when he moves, when he rolls around, when he pushes his foot against my belly…..everything.  My whole belly does the wave as he moves around at night.  It’s absolutely amazing and my favorite part of pregnancy.  If I push gently on my belly, he’ll push back.  Sometimes, he’ll stick a foot (or an arm, head, or butt) against my belly and hold it there, and I love to gently stroke it knowing that I am separated from my baby by literally inches.  Love, love it.   He also responds to both my voice and Adam’s voice, which thrills his daddy to no end, and he loves it when we read to him at night.  He’s pretty active all day long, and all night long, as he wakes me up at least once a night by doing a little river dancing inside my belly.  Hey, whatever you want to do, buddy. 

Doctor’s Appointments:  We just had one today, which went great!  Blake is measuring at 29 weeks, which is about a week ahead of schedule.  He’s been measuring a week ahead for the past couple months, which is no concern at all, just might mean we get to meet him a little earlier than expected!  His heart rate is great and he is healthy and growing right on schedule.  For the 7-month checkup (today), I had the gestational diabetes test.  Basically, all I had to do was drink a sugary/watery concoction an hour before my appointment and then they took my blood to make sure my body is breaking down the sugars correctly.  My doctor isn’t worried, it’s just routine.  We’ll have the results in a week or so.  Also, as of now, I am officially on the 3-week appointment schedule!   I’m far enough along that it’s time to start ramping up the doctor’s visits.

Symptoms: Nothing to complain about.  I’m still feeling great!  The only thing of note is how low I’m carrying Blake.  He’s all out in front, but down low.  It feels like he’s sitting on top of my bladder most of the time, which, of course, causes me to have to use the bathroom at very frequent intervals.  It also makes walking uncomfortable, because I find myself pretty sore down there in the nether regions.  Sleep has been a bit of a challenge, too, but I’m just cocooning myself with a ton of pillows and powering through it.  And ladies, my husband is the sweetest man alive.  He wakes up when I do and helps me reposition myself all throughout the night.  He pulls up my covers when I can’t reach them and even tucks me in at night so all I have to do is find a comfortable position to sleep.  He’s a gem.

What else?  This week is a week of firsts.  I have my first baby shower at school, Adam and I are going to our first birthing class (on Thursday night, for three hours) and we just had our 7 month doctor’s appointment!  We have also finished the nursery (pics soon, I promise) and got a great start on the playroom!

It would be an understatement to say that we are feeling mighty blessed. 

The Release

Our pastor gave a wonderful sermon today at church.

So often, Mother’s Day sermons are focused on the incredible gift God has given us in a mother, and on all the ways that we are called to honor and respect the unique role that God has prepared especially and only for them.  And focusing on that is right and good.  A mother is an undeniable gift that God chose to bestow on us in our humanity, and as such, they should be honored and revered for the godly women God raised them up to be.  Godly mothers are a precious gift sent from the Father straight to earth. 

But in giving a sermon focused solely on that part of motherhood, year after year, a significant number of hearts are left out.  Heart that are called to motherhood, and yet may find themselves with empty arms.

And so today, I found my heart touched and tenderized by a sermon on the 1 Samuel woman; on Hannah.

Hannah was a woman who believed that God had called her to motherhood, and yet, she found her arms ached with the emptiness of a child.   We're told that God has "closed her womb".  She was despondent.  The Bible tells us that she “wept bitterly”.  She went before the Lord and made a vow, crying out, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

Hannah pleaded desperately for God to answer her prayer for a son.  This is the part of her story that is familiar to many of us. 

But it’s the part that comes after that spoke to my heart as our pastor read the words today. 

I’ve read the story of Hannah and cried it out countless times, but I’d never stopped to ponder exactly what happened in verses 17 and 18.  It stopped me cold today.  In those verses, after Hannah had finished crying out to God, the Bible tells us that, “…she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.”  On a first read, it’s pretty easy to brush right past those words. 

But I want to linger there for a minute. 

Hannah laid her requests before the Lord, she poured out her heart and left her anguish at His feet.  And then, she walked away.  Her face was no longer downcast.  She trusted God with the desire that He authored.  She dedicated her child, the one that she had yet to receive into her arms, to the Almighty God in faith and then released him into His care.   

Our pastor stopped there to make the point that God is big enough. Godly parenting means understanding the release; it means being willing to declare our full dedication of the children we pray for—either the ones we hold in our arms or the ones we are waiting to receive—and then to trust God to take it from there.

Wow.  That's big for me.  Walking through infertility made me dependent on the Father, but the release has always been hard.  Relinquishing my own meager representation of control in favor of His protection and care is a daily struggle.  And I think it's so hard because motherhood is a calling.  As God beckons us into relationship with Him, He draws near to our hearts and makes known His plan for our lives.  I've always known that my greatest calling in life was to motherhood.  I believe God wrote that promise on my heart from before I was ever born into this world.  And because I feel called so strongly, my desire to protect that God-given dream is almost insurmountable.  It can seem overwhelming.  But today, God made it so clear to me that I can trust Him with the desire He authored.  That I can just give it to Him.  That I can listen to His whispered assurances to my heart, and I can let him quiet my fears.  Because He is big enough. 

There are so many hurting hearts today.  So many 1 Samuel women who are desperately crying out to God and yearning for arms that are full with the blessing of a baby.  I know what that feels like.  My heart is tenderized to the journey.  And today, I’m praying for each of you.  I’m praying for God to draw near to your heart, that He may whisper assurances and grant you a peace that passes all understanding.   

I also pray that we all look to Hannah as an example of the faith we are called to.  Don't let your face be downcast.  Lay it at His feet.  Trust God with the desire that He has authored, because He is big enough.  

Loving this song today:



Sometimes I just wanna start over
Cuz everything looks like a wreck
And I need the courage to carry on
Cuz I can’t see what’s ahead

And there are places I’ve wished I could be
Battles I’ve wanted to win
Dreams that have slipped through my hands
I may never get back again

But I’m still a dreamer
A believer
Oh, I lost my faith in so many things
But I still believe in You
Cuz You can make anything new

Sometimes I just wish we could say
All the things that are easy to hear
Ignore the injustice we see
And explain every unanswered prayer
But I’d rather speak honestly
And wear a tattered heart on my sleeve
Cuz in the middle of my broken dreams
Redemption is here

And I’m still a dreamer
A believer
Oh, I lost my faith in so many things
But I still believe in You
Cuz You are the answer
The Redeemer
Oh, I’ve given up on too many things
But I’m not giving up on You
Cuz You can make anything new

I don’t have every answer in life
But I’m trusting You one day at a time
Cuz You can make a weak heart stay alive
Forever
And this is where heaven and earth collide
I lift my hands, I give my life
This is how my weary heart stays alive

Oh, I’m still a dreamer
Still a believer
And You are the answer
The Redeemer
Cuz You can make anything new
Yeah, You can make anything new

Food for thought....maybe

This is going to be an interesting topic for me to tackle, and I dare say, maybe a controversial one.  But I want to write this post because I find that, in doing so, I often come to a better understanding of what it is I believe and why I believe it.   That being said, I'm obviously sharing my opinion, and you are free to agree or disagree.  

I want to talk about Osama Bin Laden’s death.

I think I can categorize most of the reactions I've seen into two distinct categories:

1. Triumph that a mass murderer has finally been brought to justice after ten long years of evasion. 
2. Refusal to celebrate the taking of even one human life, no matter how evil.

I can see both viewpoints.  I think a lot of people struggle with falling somewhere in the middle of both viewpoints.  And I think that's okay.  I'm not about to tell you how to fell or what to feel, but I am going to try and untangle how I feel and why I feel that way.  So, bear with me.

As a believer in Christ, I find myself drawn to this interesting dichotomy.  And yet, personally, my heart aches not for the life taken yesterday, but rather for the thousands of others that died a horrible, fiery death on September 11, 2001.   To me the two aren’t even comparable, and yet, I understand the conflict.  And in a lot of ways, I applaud it.  So it's time for some self-reflection.  I’m all about dissecting what I believe until all I’m left with is a refined and truly reflective image of the person I'm becoming in Christ, because in doing so, I can rid myself of a little more me in favor of a little more Him. 

And so tonight, I pose the question:  What reflects the heart of Christ?  Is it wrong to celebrate the triumph of justice, even when it results in the taking of a human life?  What if that life is inherently, unquestionable, absolutely evil?

Undeniably, that’s a hard one.

As I was letting this post marinate in my brain over the course of the day, I kept coming back to one, absolute truth: I serve the Lord God of Heaven.  He is merciful and mighty, His love surpasses all understanding, and yet He is also the God of absolute justice.

Absolute justice.  I had to let that settle for a while before wrapping my brain around the rest of it.

I believe there is internal conflict over what to feel in the case of Bin Laden’s death because we live in a world devoid of absolute truth.  We've gotten rid of the black and white.  Eliminated the right and wrong.  We want to accept anyone and everyone so badly that we've allowed ourselves the freedom to live by an ever-evolving sense of “morality”—what may be deemed "situationally acceptable" given the current sway of public opinion or public thought.  How do we do this?  Gosh, in so many ways. 

We legalize the killing of babies through abortion, and yet we scratch our heads and lament that Bin Laden was not taken alive.  It just wasn’t humane, we say.  But what about the innocent lives being taken through abortion?  Surely those are worth more than the life of a mass murderer.  What’s really going on here?  Abortion has become a social “norm”, and we accept it as such. It’s situationally acceptable.

And yes, I’ll say it.  We have babies through in vitro without fully understanding or considering the sanctity of life and the precious gift that each embryo represents.  Our attitudes can be flippant.  As I type this, there are over 300,000 embryos waiting for a shot at life in frozen nurseries all over the United States.  Why is that okay?  It’s become situationally acceptable. 

Pornography is rampant, and legal, and yet we point fingers at each other and wonder why our kids are so sexually aware and sexually active at such a young age.  I’ll tell you why: because it’s become situationally acceptable.  

We herald assisted suicide as death with dignity and then turn around and mourn and cry foul at each life ended through non-assisted suicide.  The only dignity in death lies in the assurance of eternity, but somehow we've tricked ourselves into believing the lie.  It's become situationally acceptable.  

As a society, we're so confused.  So lost.  It kills me.  I want to reach out and love on these precious hearts that are aching for meaning all over the world.   The answer is here.  He's here.  We've just lost sight of Him.  

These are only a few examples, and yet each one kills me, because in trying so hard to accept these societal migrations in morality, we’re actually destroying the very human dignities and freedoms that we hope to gain.   I don't believe that there can be  human freedom or human dignity without law or justice.  There is a right and a wrong, and we simply cannot relegate God to a spectator role in human history.

So now here we are.  A lot of people find themselves torn in looking at Bin Laden as a human rather than just as a terrorist.  And it’s so hard to wrap our brain around, because we’ve given ourselves the freedom to see things in shades of gray.  Yes, he was a terrorist, but was that all?  Truthfully, we may never know. 

So what do we do?  I look to the God of absolute justice.  I read His word.  I refuse to quote famous men or make God into what I would have Him be; rather I choose to examine His word to unveil the picture of Himself that He has already given us.

I look at passages like Romans 13:1-7, which teaches us that God uses governments to carry out His good plan of justice, and 1 Peter 2:13-15, which upholds the right of earthly governments to punish criminals, and in all of these I see the common thread of justice.  I believe that the Bible emphasizes the dignity and freedom of man; asserting that every man is free to do what is right and good by God’s absolute standard.  But I also believe that the Bible is clear on the right of human governments to punish the unjust.   I take this specifically from Romans 13:4, where Paul talks about how God uses the punishment of earthly authorities for the good of the people.  In this way, punish for the wicked is not vengeance for the act, but rather justice under the law. 

So what am I saying?  Honestly, I don't know.  I think it's a decision we all have to make for ourselves, one that we come to in appreciation of the relationship that exists between man and God.  I may not have the answers here, but I sure do like the questions.  I like them because it’s in the asking that the human goodness separating us from them shines through.  We want to look deeper, to see more than just the man who blew up the twin towers.  Is that wrong? I can’t say that it is.  But for me, I choose to meditate and prayerfully consider my God as the God of justice and righteousness.  And I believe in black and white along with forgiveness, because I believe He does too. 

And so I applaud that justice was carried out in the death of Osama Bin Laden.  I trust that he met the Lord God Almighty and was held absolutely accountable for his actions.

And I’m comfortable with that.