Pre-Retrieval

Tomorrow, Adam and I are going in for the egg retrieval.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.

We have to be there at 7AM for check-in, and then the procedure itself will last from about 7:30-8:30AM.  I'll be under anesthesia, but not all the way under.  They call it "twilight"....your guess on what that means is as good as mine.

I won't describe exactly what will be happening during the procedure, but if you want to read about it, you can here.

Just as soon as they have my eggs, they'll take them into the lab and fertilize them using Adam's little swimmers.  On Thursday morning, we'll get a call to let us know how many eggs fertilized.

Please join us in praying God's protection over these newly formed lives--that they will make it through this initial stage and that God will give me the opportunity to have these babies grow inside of me.

Once we've gotten that call, we're just waiting until the baby embryos are ready to be transferred back to me.  The lab technicians will look at them the day after the retrieval to see how many have fertilized, but then won't look at them again until the morning of the 3rd day (Saturday).  When we leave tomorrow, we'll have an appointment for a Saturday morning transfer of babies, but when the doctors take a look at our babies Saturday morning, they may decide to push the transfer day back.  So, our transfer could fall anywhere between Saturday and Tuesday.

And then, it's just a waiting game.

We are SO close....

"He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young."

Isaiah 40:11

I heard this verse on the radio today, and it just stuck in my head all day long.  What a tender image of our God.  He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart.  

What a beautiful, beautiful message of love.  I'm holding onto that as I deal with my own uncertainty about what is to come.  I know my Savior is holding me close to His heart, carrying me in His arms. 

What more could I possibly ask for?

Here we go IN VITRO: Week 7

I am feeling very content.

On Thursday, we enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving at my parent's house.  We are so blessed to have such an amazing family to be thankful for, and our day was filled with laughter and the company of some of the most precious people in our life.  I ended the day with a full belly and an equally full heart.  Family is such a tremendous blessing. 

Although my mom did the major cooking, I did do my part.  This was my contribution to Thanksgiving dinner:

Yumm.  That is a pumpkin chocolate cake with a brown sugar/butter drizzle frosting topped with toffee crumbles.  And around the bottom, I made dessert "acorns" (donut holes, frosted and then rolled in toffee crumbles with a pretzel for the stem) just to make it look pretty.  And no, the leaves are not edible.  It was a delicious, but after dinner I dumped what was left of it.  No way I'm taking that thing home to munch on over the next few weeks...!

Yesterday, I did not do any Black Friday shopping.  I didn't go to a single store.  This is a first for me.  Instead, Adam and I were up in Portland having some blood work and another ultrasound done to check on my progress with the stimulation medications.  More about that later.

After that appointment, we encountered a little bit of traffic on the freeway trying to get back to Salem.  Why?  Because the Ducks were playing Arizona at Autzen at 4PM....which we were profoundly aware of because we had TICKETS!  My parents surprised us and my brother with tickets to the game, and we were stoked.  Adam jumped around like a little kid on Christmas morning (...don't tell him I said that!)

Ready to roll!  They were trying to do a "stripe out" at the game, so depending on the section you sat in, you were either supposed to wear black or yellow.  We were in a black section, but because it rained, it totally didn't work at all.  I ended up wearing a yellow poncho. The game was a blast, but we ended up having to leave early.  More on that later.

Today, after breakfast with my parents (a Saturday morning tradition that is very, very precious to me) I headed home to begin working on my latest master bedroom remodel project: sewing a duvet cover!!  This is big for me, considering I don't sew.  At all.  But after searching in vain for the exact color of duvet that I wanted, I finally decided that I could bite the bullet and make the darn thing myself.   I looked up a couple "how-to" guides online, and then headed out to find my fabric.  Because I'm cheap (and lazy) I didn't want to buy 15 yards of fabric, and instead decided to just buy a king sheet set in the color I wanted and then use the flat sheet as the top for my duvet.  This worked perfectly, as I found the exact color I wanted at Fred Meyers on super clearance.  I sang a little bit of the hallelujah chorus in the aisle when I found it.  Then, for the back, my mom graciously donated an old king flat sheet that she no longer uses.  And I was in business. 

Once I had the makings of my cover, I dusted off the sewing machine (that my mom gave me as a shower gift over 3 1/2 years ago..and has never once seen the light of day) and set up shop in my living room.  It took me over an hour to figure out how to thread the bobbin (and that included that combined brain power of both Adam and I...and the assistance of several YouTube video tutorials) and another hour or so to figure out how to get everything set up so that I could actually reach the foot pedal.  Not a great start.

However, today went quite well and I am proud to present to you our newest addition to the master bedroom:

I love it!  Do you like our headboard?  Those are closet doors, that we bought off craigslist for $20.  I painted and distressed them, and Adam hung them on the wall.  You may recall my original color scheme was peacock blue, gold and yellow.  Well, that's changed a bit.  I was so in love with the peacock blue, I decided I might as well include the rest of the bird.  So I added in apple green and various shades of blue/teal.    This is my new inspiration:

The bed isn't quite done yet--it needs more pillows to pick up a few more colors--but I love it so far.  I also have big plans for our end table next to the bed....

I'm also over my head in art projects for the walls.  Here's a little sneak peak of my latest project:

It's not done yet, but so far I'm excited about it.  Stay tuned

(click the link below for my in vitro update....it's exciting!!!)

Here we go IN VITRO: Week 6

Here I am in my living room—fire burning in the fireplace, dogs standing guard on my either side, my hubby’s arm around me as we anxiously peer out the window waiting for the forecasted snow to arrive—and I have to pause and smile.  

I am so blessed.  What an incredible life.

With Thanksgiving so close, it’s hard not to stop and take stock in all that God’s given us.  To praise Him for His faithfulness, for His love, and for His mercies that are new everyday.  

Going through this process has made me so keenly aware of the blessings that surround me; the gift of friendship, the incredible miracle of family, the beauty of Creation….the list is unending.  I’m in awe of the love of the Father, and how it is manifested in everything I see around me.   

And I am so thankful.

In Your Arms

So here I am, working out in my garage, running along on my treadmill to the worship station on Pandora that I created a few weeks ago....and on comes this song.  And I had to stop and listen.



I'm claiming this song, these lyrics, as my personal love song for my Savior.  For this journey.

I'm letting my fears go, giving You control
For You are the one that holds me closer in my soul's darkest night
Everything I see is so temporary
So help me to run the race before me
With eternity in sight

Now I close every door
And put my face back on the floor
And I'm in Your arms, where I belong
There's no other place for me than right where You are
Some things just don't change
When I call Your name
You never hesitate to wrap me in endless grace
When I'm in Your arms

Here we go IN VITRO: Week 5

I’m going to start this week’s update with a confession.

This week, four friends and/or acquaintances announced that their families are expecting a new addition.  And, as much as I’m ashamed to admit it, my heart still clenches every single time I hear that news.  Along with the incredible joy I feel for these amazing families, there is also a selfish spot that wants to spend a few moments in mourning for myself, and for the family that we have yet to see grow.  I’m embarrassed that I still have those moments, because I know that I need to ditch the sense of entitlement. 

The fact of the matter is God doesn’t owe me anything.  As much as I’d like to think that I am, I’m not entitled to a baby simply because I want one.  I’m also not entitled because I try to be a good person, or because I love God, or because I know in my heart of hearts that I would be a good mom.  I’m not entitled because I’m unworthy of the blessing. 

When God chooses to bless us with the absolutely miraculous gift of life, He is entrusting us with one of His children.  Have you ever thought of it that way?! God is literally gifting us with the one thing He considers most precious on this earth.  He is trusting us to love on and nurture this miraculous little human so that it will grow to know Him, to walk with Him, and to light up a dark world with His love.   We are raising these babies for Him. 

W-O-W. What love the Father has for us, that He would choose to entrust us with a job so valuable! 

As much as my heart yearns for the day when God will deliver His miraculous little baby gift into our hands, I know that my prayer—now and always—needs to be this: Lord, teach me to walk with You by faith.

_________________________

Since I really don’t have that much new in vitro-wise to report, I’m going to make this a picture update to catch you all up on where we’ve been this week and what we’re working on.  Enjoy!

This week, I’ve been shopping.  Here are a few of the things/colors I’ve picked up for the new master bedroom. 

 Oooh, I love this color.  And yes, I realize I'm not showing you all of the picture; sorry, but I don't want to give away too much until the grand reveal!

That texture is heavenly!  And I'm loving the color more than you know.

This week we've also done some painting.  Adam worked on this....

and I worked on this....

Together, they look kind of like this.....

Yes, I distressed that, and yes, I'm way excited.  I'm not going to tell you why there is a blue door in our bedroom, either.  But I promise it's going to be amazing.  

And because they're cute, I'm going to add in a picture of what my dogs have been doing....

....watching us through the baby gate. 

Deserts

"I spread out my hands to You; my soul thirsts for You like a parched land."

Psalms 143:6

That verse just spoke to me today.  I especially love the simile at the end--my soul thirst for You like a parched land.  How beautiful.  

It made me think about the deserts of life.  It can certainly feel, when you're walking through one, that you'll never find that oasis your heart has been longing for.  It can feel like the desert is too vast for your weary feet to travel.   

And yet, deserts are miraculous places! Did you know that deserts cover over 1/3 of the surface area on earth?  That's a lot of land.  Did you know that deserts are second only to tropical rain forests in the diversity of plants and animals that live there? Deserts fascinate me, because at first glance, they seem like a barren, desolate place....and yet, in reality, they are teeming with life.      

And then there's the part about desert oasis'. 

If you look up the definition of an oasis, you'll find the following: A fertile or green spot in a desert or wasteland

A fertile or green spot in a desert or wasteland.  Can you see where I'm going with this?

I think I'm starting to understand the desert.  And I'm not talking about the physical one.  

Maybe God allows us to walk through deserts to teach us to rely on Him--on the Living Water.  When we drink from the spring of His love and mercy, we form our own God-oasis that surrounds us and covers us from head to toe.  Water--the living water, in this case--is what makes the grass green, what develops and grows in us a Godly character.  My oasis is my God. As I begin to rely more and more on that oasis, I see that what I felt and saw as barren and isolated is really teeming with opportunities to know God, to walk with Him, and to grow in my knowledge and understanding of His character. 

Wow.  I'm loving that promise today.   What a blessing it is to be loved on by the Almighty God.  I just can't get enough.   

Here we go IN VITRO: Week 4

This week, I've decided on a project that will get me through this process and give me an outlet for any anxiety that might come my way.  I've been told over and over again that staying relaxed is a very important part of this.  And I take doctor's orders very seriously. 

So.

What could be more relaxing than remodeling our master bedroom??  

I'm excited.

We bought our house two (three in March) years ago, and since that time, our master bedroom has sat in the same state of perpetual blah.  I never decided on a color scheme that I liked, I never hung pictures on the walls, I never really organized the furniture or bought anything that matched...it just never came together.

So clearly, this was the perfect project for me to tackle.

Now remodeling a bedroom can be very expensive, and that is definitely NOT the goal of this little adventure, especially considering what we are looking forward to (a baby...and I hear those things are expensive) so I made myself a few guidelines:

1. Nothing I buy will be over $20
2. Furniture will ONLY be bought on craigslist or garage sales, and not for more than $25 (yes, I gave myself a $5 limit increase...I mean, furniture can be expensive)
3. I'm going to become a do-it-yourself girl

Needless to say, I'm STOKED.  I'm already having a blast and I haven't even started yet.

So far, I've picked out a color scheme that I love:

Gold, various shades of yellow, brown and a peacock blue/teal.  I almost died when I saw this little combination.  Adam went with me today and we picked up color swatches at Lowes, so now I'm sporting my newest color inspirations in my purse so I can whip them out at a moment's notice.

I've also been stalking my favorite design blogs for inspiration, and have a small (huge) pile of pictures/projects printed out that I want to mimic in this redesign.  My favorite idea?  Our (future) headboard for the bed.  And no, I'm not telling.  Yet. 

My husband, who is incredibly supportive (even though I can tell he's not sure how these "creative" ideas of mine will turn out), graciously agreed to begin phase 1 of this project on Thursday: painting an accent wall.  I knew I picked a keeper :)