Are You there, God? It's me, Mandy

As I look back on 2012, there are a lot of emotions that I feel in my heart.   

Incredible joy. 

Abundant blessings.

Love. Unconditional love.

Gratitude.

My family has been the recipient of all of these and more over the course of the last year, and we emerge with a deep sense of thanksgiving for the blessings we have seen come to fruition in the past year.  God has been good to our family.  He has walked us through another year, weaving our every circumstance together to form a beautiful tapestry that I could never have knit together on my own.  He is faithful.

And yet I also look back at the year 2012 with a profound sense of the other side of those emotions.  Not every moment is rosy.  We lost a baby this year.  Dear friends said goodbye to loved ones.  Jobs were lost.  Homes were lost.  There were sorrowful moments.  Moments where my heart was literally on the floor.  27 lives were tragically taken in Connecticut.  Moments I literally sank to my knees is disbelief, wondering "Oh Lord....but why??"

This post has been on my heart for a while.  I don't think that question has been far from any of our mind's as we try and comprehend the type of horrific heartache that we have endured as a country, and in some cases, on a very personal level.

It's easy to let the pain of this world overtake us.  It's easy to feel like something has just gone wrong.

Lord have you forgotten us?  Can't you see what is happening down here?  

After Connecticut, I found myself wondering if there had been some sort of mistake.  Was it possible that these circumstances fell somewhere beyond the omnipotent reach of the Father? My heart told me no.  My knowledge of His nature told me no.  But why else would this have happened?  Surely God doesn't desire this.

I think that sometimes, we look at the darkness and forget that it flees in the presence of light. 

I read a blog post a few weeks back that I wish I could find, because I want to give proper credit to what I'm about to write.  I'm paraphrasing the words to some degree, because they resonated so deeply within me.  

I've talked a lot on here about God's panoramic verses our polaroid.  About how all we can see is moments.  That's all we can comprehend.  We literally can't see beyond our circumstances today.  That's human nature.  But God is not bound by the confines of humanity.  He sees eternity.  He sees the whole picture, He knows the pain of today while still being able to rejoice in the joy of tomorrow.  Of a thousand tomorrows. 

Where I see pain, heartache and death, God sees eternal life.  He sees this moment, the one that hurts and tears at my heart, and He reminds me with a whisper that He bled for this.  He died so that we would never have to.  So that the darkness of this world could not overtake us.

I see the pain of people I love.  Sometimes of people I don't even know.  I see unimaginable heartache.  God sees His precious children.  He sees their redemption.  He sees their souls, and He knows exactly how to reach them. 

The more I reflect on these truths, the more my own view starts to change.  He suffered first.  God sent his son to die a horrible death so that our pain would never be permanent.  So that this earth would never be more than a fleeting memory in an ocean of eternal joy.  That's powerful love.

God hasn't forgotten anything.  He tells oceans where to stop.  He commands the wind and the waves.  He tells evil just how far it can go. 

For every circumstance that tears at our hearts, for every tear we cry....He bled for those moments.  He knew they would come.  He is never passive in His approach to His children.  He never looks the other way.  His plan was always life.  He bled for it.
 
Sometimes God redeems us from hardship....and sometimes, he redeems us through hardship.

I think that view of God changes things. 

John 10:10 has become a battle cry for our family.  I used it earlier when I told the story of our twins, and it's been the verse on my heart for the year 2013.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; but I have come that you may have life, and have it more abundantly.

We live in a world where moments are stolen.  Where there is death and destruction and terrible, unimaginable heartache.  And those moments cannot be explained.  I'm never going to understand the why.  I'm never going to be okay with the pain.  But I can understand the redemption.  And I can understand that those stolen moments are just that....moments.  Moments that have already been bled for.  Moments that have already been named, and redeemed.  God is not weak.  He is not distant.  He is the Giver of life.  

Abundant life.  Eternal life.

This year I am choosing to live in abundance.  I know not every moment will be joyful.  I know not every circumstance will bring a smile to my face.  I don't know what hardships my family, or this country, or our world, might face.  But come what may, I am choosing abundant life in and through Jesus Christ.  Circumstances can never change that promise.  Circumstances can never change the eternal significance of who He is, and who we are in Him.  


Lord, help me to live a life that honors You.  A life that allows me to lift my eyes above circumstance and remember that every moment has already been named, and known, by Your mighty hand.  I know You are not passive.  I know Your plan is so much bigger than the moment I'm living in.  Remind me, Lord.  Remind me every single day that You bled for this.  I pray that reminder lights Your holy fire under my feet--to proclaim Your goodness louder, to love deeper, and to be a bold mouthpiece for Your name.  It's not about me.  It's about You, and Your incredible plan for life.