Baby #2

I want to amend my last post just a little bit.

We have been profoundly blessed with the gift of this pregnancy, and our hearts overflow (more every single day) with thanksgiving for the life God has entrusted us with.

But I wanted to reflect a little more, because we transferred two, and we will bring only one into the world.  I want to acknowledge the loss of baby #2, because that little life was precious to us.

Our journey was unique.  Most people never get to experience what we experienced. Most people never know that there is a baby, a fertilized embryo, just waiting to attach.  Most people never know, because when the embryo travels into the uterus after fertilization, pregnancy can't be detected yet.  Most people never know the baby was there, and so most people can't miss the little life that could have been.  Most people never know they have experienced a miscarriage before implantation ever occurred.

But we're not most people.  We knew.  We've watched the promise of these babies develop from day 1--from each follicle that was stimulated in my ovaries, from each mature egg that was retrieved, and from each embryo that was created.   We prayed for each of those babies every single day, and after our transfer, we dreamed of what our future could look like with twins.  We knew.

As we've gone through this process, I feel like I've learned so much--about myself, and about the way pregnancy works.  It's such a miraculous process.  I now know that as many as 50% of pregnancies miscarry before implantation in the womb occurs.  That statistic is staggering.  Most of these miscarriages go undetected--they are called "missed" miscarriages because the mother never knew she was pregnant.  The baby just didn't implant.  The pregnancy wasn't to be.

I guess there are some who would probably prefer to never have known that a baby was lost.  Maybe in some ways it's easier to move on without knowing.  But not for us.  We are so glad we know.  That knowledge is yet another gift from God.  I may never have gotten to hold that baby in my arms, but those two weeks I carried it inside my womb are precious to me.  We are thankful that we can mourn the loss of that baby and commit the tiny life back into the waiting arms of the Father.  Thank you, Lord, for giving us that chance.

Our commitment to our babies--the one currently growing as well as the four waiting for us in the frozen nursery--is absolute.  We love them all.  We will give them all a shot at life, and we will continue to pray for and dream of our family with each precious baby added to it.   I can't wait to see the picture come together.  The loss of a baby is heartbreaking, but the joy of this pregnancy reminds us that God holds the blueprint.  From the beginning we committed this process to God, and we wholly believe that His hand is guiding the final formation of our family.   
 
We trust You, Lord.