Five Months

Blake is five months old!  I'm also posting this here, but will add pictures over there on the family blog! Remember, the password is my maiden name.

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My sweet boy, you are FIVE months old!  We’re only one month away from celebrating your half birthday.

This past month has been so fun.  You are giggling, smiling, playing with your voice, and letting your little personality shine!

Here’s what you’ve been up to:

• You are experimenting with your voice like nobody’s business.  You change octaves faster than I can turn around.  You go so high that no sound comes out, and daddy and I will just laugh and laugh at you.  That usually spurs you on, and you’ll keep making your sounds as you have a conversation with us.  I know this won’t last long, so I am savoring this phase. I just think it is the cutest.
• You’ve always been a big fan of the jumperoo, but that’s been taken to a whole new level this past month.  You fly in that thing.  You bounce so hard and so high that I wonder if you’re going to upset your tummy.  You haven’t though, so I guess we’re okay.  You’ve also taken a renewed interest in all the little fun toys on the jumperoo, and I think it’s so amazing to watch you figure out how things work.  You understand that the toys will rattle when you spin them, and you love to turn the little blue elephant so it will make a noise.  I just love watching you learn.
• We take you everywhere, and you are just the best little man.  So well behaved.  You never fuss when we’re out and about.  You just love to look at everything all around you and take it all in.  You’ll sit on my lap and have lunch with a friend, or if not in my lap, you’re also super content to just hang out in your stroller.
• Last week, you sat up by yourself for the very first time!!  We snapped a bunch of picture in those 10 seconds (ha!)  We practice this all the time, and you spend lots of time in your Bumbo (which you love).  You’re getting better every single day!  You’re really great at catching yourself if you fall forward, but you freak out if you start to fall backwards because you can’t quite stop yourself yet.
• You’re still not rolling over.  Baby boy, holy cow.  Five months!  Well, to be fair, you can and do roll from back to tummy…but that’s it.  Once you get to your tummy you just chill.  Sometimes you’ll fuss and stick your little butt up in the air, but mostly you just suck on your fist and hang out.  You’ll prop yourself up on your elbows, but have yet to push up on your hands.  I guess it’s a work in progress.  You have gotten your little legs up underneath you several times, so once you get your hands on board, you’ll be in business!  I’m sure it will happen so soon and then I’ll be chasing you around the house.
• You found your feet!  You don’t suck on them, but you love to grab your thighs and pull your legs up to your chest.  You think it’s especially fun when I kiss your toes and sing you silly songs.  You just giggle and giggle and wave your toes in the air for me to catch.
• You’re great at standing and you LOVE to stand.  You’ve figured out that if you go all stiff-legged on us we can’t make you sit down.  So that’s been fun.  You especially like to do that trick when we’re trying to get you in the carseat.  Little stinker :)
• You’re still napping pretty well during the day, generally from 10-12 and then from 2-3.  Your afternoon nap is more often only 45 minutes, but occasionally will last over an hour.
• We took away your swaddle this month (night time only, still swaddling for naps) and you’ve adjusted pretty well.  It was rough at first, but now you’ve figured it out.  We just put you down in your crib at bedtime, and after about ten minutes we’ll check on you to find you’ve put yourself to sleep.  Such a good little guy.  You’ll fuss a little throughout the night, but you don’t want to get up, so we consider that a big success.  We start our day at 6AM (we wake you up) so we can get daddy to work.
• In the past month, you’ve experienced your first Christmas, your first new year (we’re now in a different calendar year than the one in which you were born!) and your first snow!  We woke up this morning to a few inches!!
• Your giggles are now not just in response to our own.  Instead, if we make a funny face or do something that you think is silly, you’ll laugh at us!  I love it.  Positive reinforcement is always a good thing ;)
• Dude, you’ve got some hair on that head of yours!  You’ve really grown a lot of it over the past month.  It’s coming in absolutely blonde. Funny, because when you were born it was darker.  It’s thickest on the top of your head, but you’re getting some in on the sides too.
• According to our scale, you’re weighing in somewhere between 18.5 and 19 pounds.  You’re done with your 6 month clothes and are now wearing some 9 month, a lot of 12 month, and a few 18 month onesies and tshirts.  Eesh.  Such a big boy!!  You’re also wearing mostly size 3 shoes, although a few size 2 will still fit.
• You babble! I can't believe I almost forgot to mention it.  You say "da" a lot, and will just talk and talk and talk to yourself when we're driving in the car.  You also love to carry on conversations.  You'll say something, then I'll say something, then you'll respond.  And you have the best facial expressions to go along with our little chats.  I can't wait until I can really know what you're thinking.
• You love to kick!  When I change your diaper, you kick your feet like you’re in the middle of a tap dancing session.
• You started eating solids this past month!  Baby boy, I have yet to find a food that you do not scarf down.  You are by no means a messy eater.  You want every last drop of whatever food I’ve got on that spoon.  So far, you’ve had rice cereal, oatmeal, sweet potatoes, peas, green beans, prunes, bananas, and peaches! You love them all.  AND, what I find particularly fascinating, is that you’re still eating the same amount of breastmilk as you were before.  Every 4(ish) hours.  I breastfeed you before offering you solids…which we only do twice a day anyway.  Such a little oinker, and I love it!  Your fat thighs are beyond adorable.

Little man, you are the light of our life.  My favorite times of the day are when you’ll catch my eye and give me that smile.  Your smile that says I love you.  I can see it in your eyes and it melts.my.heart. because I know that you know that I’m your mommy.  I hope that you can see in my eyes how much I love you.  Because I do.  More than I ever thought possible.  I know I say it every month in these posts, and I’ll keep saying it because it is only more true with every passing month: Blake Louis, we love you.  We adore every part of who you are, and we want you to know it every single day of your life.  You are so very loved.  We will always be here for you, loving you and cheering you on.  We're proud of you, little man, and cannot wait to see you grow into the man God made you to be.  Our biggest prayer is that you will always walk closely with Him.  Yes, we love you more than anything in this world, but He....well, He died to know you.  That makes you pretty special.

Frugality

Frugality.  Is that even a word?

Well, if it’s not, it should be.  Because it’s 2012’s new motto in the Breitenstein household.

In the last year, we’ve had a lot going on over here.  I got laid off from my job as a teacher when the district I worked for cut over 100 first and second year teachers.  Our house value plummeted (thank you, economy) and we had our first baby. 

Just reading that, it sounds pretty lame (um, except the having a baby part). But in reality, each of those represented a tremendous blessing.  Let’s go down the line:

1.   I lost my job.  At first, it really was lame.  We definitely thought so.  But what it allowed was for me to spend a lot more time than we had originally planned at home with our baby.  What a huge blessing.  And it also allowed for me to earn money as a sub when I wanted.  I get sub calls every morning, and if I want/we need for me to take one, I do.  I don’t have to, but I can.  I never, ever thought I’d sub but what a huge blessing it has been in this season of life. 

2.   Our house value plummeted.  This one took a little while for us to be able to see the blessing, but it is there.  We bought our house in early 2008, literally right before the housing market crashed.  Since then, we’ve seen a steady decline in our investment money pit.  BUT, but, there is a silver lining.  We can afford to live here, even with our house value underwater.  We’ve never missed a mortgage payment.  We can pay our bills.  We have a beautiful home that we love.  Our neighborhood is perfect for Blake.  We live on a dead-end street, with a big backyard and plenty of room for a growing little boy to explore.  We would be foolish not to see the blessing in all of that.

3.   We had our first baby.  Do I even need to go into this one?  Biggest blessing of our lives.  The end.

So, basically, moving into 2012 we feel very blessed.  We’re happy to put 2011 to bed and lean into a new year, packed with new blessings and new opportunities to see God’s hand and His provision. 

Even so, we do find ourselves treading in unfamiliar water.  We’ve never really lived off one income.  We’ve always had two.  We’ve always been able to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted.  Money just has never been an issue.  And, again, we’re blessed that (even now) it’s not.  We can pay our bills and take care of our obligations.  We are putting away money for Blake’s brothers and sisters (well, and Blake too).  We’re putting money in savings every month.  Our bank account is healthy.  

But, we can make a few changes/continuations in our lifestyle to save a few extra bucks, and since we can, we will.  Exciting.  

Here’s what we’re planning

1.   No credit card debt.  This is just a continuation.  We’ve never had any, and we never plan to.  My dad gave Adam and I an invaluable piece of advice when he told us to never charge something we didn’t have the money to pay for at the end of the month.  We never have.  

2.   Consolidate trips into “town” (we live about 10 minutes outside the nearest big city in a town of just over 3,000) to save on gas.  I feel like I pretty much already do this, just because Blake and I spend a lot of time at home anyway.  I keep my errands early morning (after we drop off Adam at work) or late afternoon (before we pick him up).  In between there, our days are filled with play time, naps, eating….you know, baby stuff.  HOWEVER, this will change in February, because Blake and I are signed up for Mommy and Me Swim lessons.  SO FUN.  But neither here nor there.  Sorry. 

3.   DIY whenever, and wherever, possible.  This one I am very excited about.  I have a couple ideas already cookin’ in that noggin of mine.  Not ready to share yet, but soon.  Promise.

4.   Find “creative” ways to bring in some extra bacon.  So far, this has included selling items we really don’t need on Craigslist, signing up for SwagBucks (uhh, how did I not know about this sooner??) and opening an Etsy shop (well not yet, but very soon)

5.   Buy secondhand.  Mainly for Blake.  This kid has blown through his wardrobe for (what I thought would be) the first year of his life.  His little four month self is currently wearing 12 month clothes.  When we realized this would be the case (at about 2 weeks of age) we decided that buying him new clothes/shoes was out of the question.  He just doesn’t wear them long enough to make spending $15-20 a pop reasonable.  Instead, we buy secondhand.  We have an amazing children’s resale shop here in town that I frequent all the time.  I rarely spend more than $3 for anything in Blake’s wardrobe.  Plus, they frequently have sales and I can score things for as cheap as .75 cents.  It also helps that Blake has a cousin who brings him big boxes of his hand-me-downs every time we get together.  LOVE that sweet family (and their little man, who has incredible style).  For us, buying secondhand extends all the way to baby gear.  Blake’s jumperoo, his walker, his Johnny Jump-Up, one of his play gyms…..all secondhand.  Anything that wasn’t gifted to us we bought secondhand.  And you’d never know!  I got out my Dreft and cleaned the living daylights out of everything, and Blake never knew the difference.  Doing this has saved us tons.

6.   Selling back baby clothes.  I don’t actually do this, because we’re saving our little boy clothes should there be an Isaac James Breitenstein coming on down the line (<-- you like that?  yeah, this my non-Adam-approved name for baby boy #2) but it would be a great way to earn a little extra money.

7.   Save money by being a frugal housewife.  Yes.  This means I’m cutting out coupons, planning menus in advance so grocery shopping is very efficient, and taking on new projects to save us money in the day to day stuff (like making reusable paper towels) 

 
Those are just a few of our ideas, but already it's been fun.  And exciting.  I love my new role as a (mostly) stay at home mom, and I love doing little things like those mentioned above to help take care of my family.  The older I get (uh oh, sounds like a cliche coming your way) the more I realize how little things matter.  I could live anywhere, literally anywhere, with my husband and son by my side.  They are my joy.  We are rich in things money can't buy, and that's all that matters. 

Roundup

Oh boy.  I’ve got a lot to catch up on.

Let’s just do a few bullet points, shall we?

-    Christmas was wonderful.  We spent it with both our families and celebrated the birth of our Savior King.  More on our family celebrations here.

-    Our New Year was pretty low key.  That happens when you have a four month old.  We opted out of going anywhere, despite several very nice invitations from people we love, and spent the evening on the couch cuddled up with our dogs.  Blake, of course, wished us a Happy New Year before he hit the crib at 7PM.

-   I have a 2011 recap in the works.  Maybe by tomorrow.  Maybe not.  Here's to hopin'!

-    I’m excited about 2012.  Like, for real.  This is the year of the frugal housewife, since we’ve gone from a two-income family to a one-income family.  I’ve got a whole post on that in the works.

-   I’ve gotten back to my DIY roots in the last few weeks, and am so so so so excited (<-- are you sensing my enthusiasm?!) for the latest project I’ve got up my sleeve.  I’m especially excited because it will be F-R-E-E and will completely transform the look and feel of my living room.  In a big, BIG way.  And it’s bold.  I love being bold.

And, before I go, I leave you with one adorable picture of the littlest man in my life.  I know,  I said I was only going to do that over on the family blog from now on....but I can't resist.  Just don't tell my hubby, okay?

Adopted by the Father

At the recommendation of my dad, I recently read this book.

I can't even really describe how much it surprised me.  It's about a little boy who almost dies on the operating table, and when he awakes, he tells his mom and dad about how the "angels sang to him" and how he visited heaven and sat on the lap of Jesus.

Mindblowing stuff, right?  I wasn't sure I believed it, but decided to give the book a read anyway.

It took exactly one night to read it from cover to cover.  I was riveted.  I had tears running down my face.  I literally took my breath away.  

And I want to tell you why.

At one point in the book, the author (the father of the little boy) is telling about a heartbreaking miscarriage that he and his wife suffered before the birth of their son, Colton.  He describes it as the single most difficult event he and his wife had ever weathered in their marriage, and shared the shattered hearts that resulted from the loss of their baby.  I cried with him as I read these words, because I identify with that sense of loss as the mother of 15 IVF babies...not all of whom I will ever have the chance to hold on his earth.

Later on in the book, the topic of this miscarriage comes up again....only this time, by their little boy.  I'm including the passage:

"One evening in October, I was sitting at the kitchen table, working on a sermon.  Sonja was around the corner in the living room, working on the business books, processing job tickets, and sorting through payables.  Cassie played Barbie dolls at her feet.  I heard Colton's footprints padding up the hallway and caught a glimpse of him circling the couch, where he then planted himself directly in front of Sonja.
  
"Mommy, I have two sisters," Colton said.

I put down my pen.  Sonja didn't.  She kept on working.

Colton repeated himself.  "Mommy, I have two sisters."

Sonja looked up from her paperwork and shook her head slightly.  "No, you have your sister, Cassie, and...do you mean your cousin, Tracy?"

"No." Colton clipped off the word adamantly.  "I have two sisters.  You had a baby die in your tummy, didn't you?"

At that moment, time stopped in the Burpo household, and Sonja's eyes grew wide.  Just a few seconds before, Colton had been trying unsuccessfully to get his mom to listen to him.  Now, even from the kitchen table, I could see that he had her undivided attention."

"Who told you I had a baby die in my tummy?" Sonja asked, her tone serious.

"She did, Mommy.  She said she died in your tummy."

....I knew what my wife had to be feeling.  Losing that baby was the most painful event of her life.  We hadn't told Colton, judging the topic a bit beyond a four-year-old's capacity to understand.  From the table, I watched quietly as emotions rioted across Sonja's face. 

"It's okay, Mommy," he said.  "She's okay.  God adopted her."
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I read that passage with tears freely flowing down my face.  God adopted her.  Those words just kept replaying in mind.  

A few paragraphs later, the story continues with Colton's exhuberant exclamation:

"She said she just can't wait for you and daddy to get to heaven!"

If I had been crying before, then these were full fledged alligator tears.  I almost feel like those few paragraphs changed my world, or at least, my view of the world.

When we started the IVF process, God blessed us with 15 baby embryos.  We celebrated.  We were joyful.  We wanted them all, and we never ceased to pray for them all. But, if you've been following our story for a while, then you know that we didn't get to keep them all.  Blake was implanted along with a twin, who never attached.  Others stopped dividing and died just days after conception.  Of the original fifteen, we have just four left...waiting for us.  

I'm always so careful when writing about this topic, because it's difficult to express my heart when it comes to how I feel about these lives.  I've also received some criticism from people who don't believe it's possible to honor God while simultaneously accepting the loss of these little lives.  I've written more about my thoughts on that here.  

For me, reading this little boy's account of meeting his sister in heaven rocked my world.  It brought all of my emotions back to the forefront, but in a different, more joyful way.  

And man, it really made me think.

God has adopted my babies.  His intention, from the beginning of time, was never for them to live out their days on this earth.  Their destiny was to forever live within the gates of heaven, adopted by the Father.  When I originally wrote about this, in this post, I titled it "Adopted and Loved".  At the time, I remember thinking that the title didn't really make sense, but it just felt right. 

And it really, really was.

God has blessed us with the gift of Blake.  He has placed him in our arms to walk alongside us on this earth.  But that's not the end of the blessing.  We may never get to hold all our babies here, on earth, but they are waiting for us.  I will have an eternity with them.  They walk the streets of Heaven, sitting on the Father's lap in the throne room even as I type this.  Not a bad way for this mama to picture her babies.

It's so easy to get caught up in this world.  After all, we live here.  This is our reality, all we've ever known, and our sense of time revolves around the day-to-day of this world.  But, wow, this life?  It's nothing.  It is literally the blink of an eye.   We can't yet comprehend that, because our humanity limits our understanding.  

This little boy's account of heaven opened my eyes just a little bit more to the blessing.  I prayed for God to make me a mom, and he did....fifteen times over.  He never intended for all of those blessings to be given to me at once, and He never intended for our little human household to be filled with fifteen pairs of little feet.  That doesn't negate what He did in my life for me, and it doesn't limit it.  My babies, those I'll never hold on this earth, have been adopted by the Father...and they are waiting for me.  For their mama. That is my eternal designation.

I have little Colton's words ringing in my ears "...and she just can't wait for you and daddy to get there"

I can't wait to get there, either.  In the meantime, my heart finds joy as I picture them sitting on the Father's lap as he tickles their tummies and whispers how much He loves them.  I know MY love for them could never compare to the Father's, but my breath-prayer this morning was that He gives them three extra hugs and kisses, today and everyday.  One from their mama, one from their daddy....and one from their brother. 

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Maybe some of you are reading this post with a lot of skepticism, a lot of yeah sure the kid went to Heaven and saw Jesus.  Sounds like an over-active imagination, right?  I hear that.  I wasn't sure myself as I started reading the book.  For me, though, I had to ask myself this question: Do I, as a follower of Jesus Christ, believe that I serve the kind of God who would send His angels to comfort one of His little ones in their time of need?  I do.  Jesus loves the little children.  Do I also believe that God is a miracle-worker?  Do I believe that it is possible for Him to give a glimpse of heaven to this little boy?  How could I answer that any other way but of course?  Of course God could have offered Colton that glimpse of Heaven.   And if I believe those two things, then I don't need to analyze it any further.  So, for me, I choose to walk away from the book with a sense of renewed hope, and excitement. 

Back in the saddle again (...of exercising)

Well, it's time.  After 4 months of no exercise, I've decided to get back in the saddle and get rid of this baby weight. 

Before I got pregnant, I looked like this:

Then, after 9 months of pregnancy, I looked like this:

  

Now, four months post pregnancy, I look like this:

Hm.  Apparently I like to change my hair color and style a lot.  Anyway...

Let's put those side by side, shall we??

Hmm.  It's a work in progress.  In my pre-pregnancy shot, I'm weighing in at 125 pounds and wearing a size 2 jean.  In my post-pregnancy shot, I'm weighing in at a weight I'd rather die than post not 125 and (I think in that picture) wearing a size 6 pant.  That was a month ago that I took the picture, and today I fluctuate anywhere between a size 4 pant and a size 6.  I'm somewhere in the middle.  Definitely can't even look at the size 2 jeans pictured above.  I can barely get one leg in. 

For the past four months, I haven't really thought about it.  I'm breastfeeding, and that required good hydration and good food and nutrition.  So I've been focusing on that.  Yes, I would like to lose the weight, but I'm not looking to get back down to 125.  I gained a lot of weight during pregnancy (I couldn't even tell you how much because I stopped looking somewhere in the 2nd trimester) and my doctor said that was likely due to my petite frame growing a very non petite (10 pound, 7 ounce) baby.  I wasn't technically underweight before, but I was close, and my doctor would like to see me stay in the 130-135 range. 

And that's fine by me. 

So now I just need to motivate myself and stay accountable until I get there.  I've always been an exercise junkie.  I really love it.  In the summers when I didn't work, I'd go to the gym every morning and just regulate my body with a hot, sweaty, can't-sit-for-the-rest-of-the-week workout.  And I loved it.  During pregnancy, I worked out every single day until my 38th week of pregnancy.  And I gave birth at 39 weeks to the day.  I have no doubt in my mind I can do this. 

In the new year, I've decided to take advantage of my husband's insurance benefits and sign up for Weight Watchers.  Not because I want to lose some massive amount of weight, but because I want the accountability of watching what I eat and being aware of what I eat.  With a baby around, it's too easy to just grab something quick for lunch rather than making something nutritious.  Same way with dinner.  It's not impossible, just more difficult.  I've also cleared all the boxes off the treadmill started working out in the evenings, which is already making me feel more invigorated and motivated.  I'm also hoping that a certain someone (hi honey, I love you!) will buy me a gym membership for Christmas.  There's just something about getting in the car to go to the gym that I love and can't replicate in my garage. 

So that's my plan.  I've been making dinner menus each week and sticking to it so that I can make sure we are eating good food rather than quick food.  I've done Christmas baking but given away all the spoils to keep those temptations out of my hands.  I've stocked our fridge with fruits and veggies that are ready for snackin'.

And so here we go!  I'm planning to blog once a week at least twice a month about my progress so I can stay accountable.  Wish me luck!!

Updates

Check out a couple new posts on my new blog, here.  They are full of baby cuteness. 

Don't know the password?  Email me or comment and I'll make sure you get it!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I wanted to let you all know about a change to this little 'ol blog. 

As of today, I am officially splitting Grace Like Rain in two.  There will be this blog, and then this one. 

My new blog, All you need is love...and a blog, is going to be where I post pictures, projects and write about family life.  I've imported everything from Grace Like Rain into my new blog, and I've gone and deleted a bunch of my older entries from this blog. 

So why the change?

Well, really two reasons. 

First, I wanted Grace Like Rain to remain true to what I originally created it to be: an outlet for me to write about our struggles with infertility, the awesome love of the Father, and the beauty of life...even when it doesn't go as planned.

And the second?  Well, really, the first reason leads me to the second. 

When I started this blog, I had no idea that (a few years later) I'd have so many people tuning it every week to find out what's happening in our lives.   It's really humbling that so many of you have taken such a vested and genuine interest in my family, and I have been so touched by the outpouring of love and support I have received through this blogging community.   For real.

That being said, now that I've got a little one running (okay, rolling....kinda) around, I need to be conscientious of safeguarding his privacy.  I realized last week that I was getting thousands of hits from around the world from people googling his full name.  Not even mine.  His full name. And I'll be honest...that kind of made me nervous.  Because for the 1000+ awesome, amazing, wish-I-knew-them-in-real-life bloggers out there, I'd be naive to forget about those 1 or 2 that aren't the type I'd want to bring home to mom and dad (...or have looking at pictures of my sweet baby boy). 

So, in an effort to balance that out,  All you need is love...and a blog was born.  All posts on that blog are password protected, but you are all invited (and I hope you will!) continue to check-in on our little family!  The password for all posts over there will be my maiden name.  If you've known me for a while, you already know it, but if you haven't/don't, please feel free to email me and I'll send it to you!  I'm not trying to keep anyone away, I just want to have a bit better idea of who's reading ;)