What's in a Name?

As you’ve probably noticed, Adam and I changed up our original choice for a boy name (Elijah James) and replaced it with something new.  I don’t really have a good reason why—Adam had kind of soured on the idea of Elijah and we both knew we wanted a name that we were absolutely sold on.  Duh.  This little guy is going to be stuck with this name his whole life through, and being given the chance to name someone is a pretty huge responsibility—not to mention an honor that we don’t take lightly. 

And so after much discussion we finally settled on the name of Blake.  There was no real rhyme or reason to it.  I was driving to work one day and the name popped into my head.  I instantly loved it, and once I got to my office I texted Adam and told him I was in love with a boy name and he wasn’t allowed to nix it right away without giving it some thought.  This immediate absolutely-not response had become his knee jerk reaction in the past few weeks, and I was pretty much positive that if he hated the name I’d be crushed.

Well, he didn’t hate it.  He actually really liked it. 

So then I did the next big thing when choosing a baby name: I googled it for meaning.  At first, I wasn’t impressed.  Blake is a Scottish name that literally refers to light/blonde hair.  It means “pale”.  Uh, lovely.  But I wasn’t to be dismayed, so I kept digging.  Most names have multiple meanings when you look hard enough, and sure enough, so did this one.  Finally, I stumbled across Blake’s Anglo-Saxon meaning, which (thankfully) is much more appropriate for our baby boy.  Blake means "Attractive, Forgiven: Redeemed: Forgiven through Grace"

What a perfect name for our little miracle baby.  Forgiven.  Redeemed.  A reminder of God’s grace. 

Ah, much better.

Satisfied that we had found the name, we started discussing middle names.  Louis was at the top of our list, because it is the middle name carried by my dad. 

My dad has been my number-one fan my entire life.  He’s been a best friend, a protector, and a role model for me my whole life through.  He’s encouraged me to reach for my dreams, to believe in myself, and—most of all—to never forget how loved I am.  We share such a special bond as father and daughter, and we are incredibly close.  I have precious memories of his whispered I love you little girl and his strong arms that were always there to hold me.  When Adam and I were married, he adopted my husband right into the family—immediately considering him a son and loving him in that same huge way.   His excitement to be a grandpa melts my heart, and I hope that Blake’s middle name will forever remind him of what a special relationship it is that exists between a daddy and his child.  I have been unequivocally blessed by the man I get the honor of calling my daddy, and that’s something that Blake and I will have in common.     

Louis is also the Americanized version of my Great-Grandpa’s name, Luigi.  We love that Blake will carry a little bit of both sides of the family with him as he grows.  His last name is wholly Adam, and his middle name is wholly my (Italian) heritage. 

Interestingly enough, Louis also means “warrior”….so if you put two and two together, we’re basically naming our son Pale Warrior Breitenstein.  Catchy, huh?

In any case, we love our little boy, and we think his name is perfect. 

 We can’t wait to meet you, Blake Louis!!!

Little Sisters and Big Brothers

Some of you may know that I am the youngest in a family of two—my brother being 18 months older than me. 

Being a big brother is a big job, and when we were younger, we definitely had our moments.  I played the role of little sister really well, i.e. I loved to get him in trouble.  Just turning on the waterworks and running for mom did wonders when he wouldn’t give me the toy I wanted.  I also loved to drive him up the wall in argument when I would scream at him: talking to a wall, talking to a wall, talking to a wall!  I still haven’t lived that one down.  In the car, he would get his revenge by slugging me in the left arm (he sat on the left side of the van and me on the right) and I had what I fondly refer to now as a perma-bruise.  Probably well-deserved. 

But the truth is I drove him nuts because little sister loved to be around big brother.  I wanted to do everything he was doing.  I remember wanting to play Star Trek with him and his best friend, and while they reluctantly agreed, they gave me the role of Doctor Crusher because she always stayed on the ship—never going on “away missions” with the crew.  Basically, this meant sitting on the bunk bed while the two boys were off on their imaginary missions.  Pretty clever, really. 

I also remember going on bike rides near our house.  My mom always told my brother that he had to stay with me, because I was his little sister and needed to be looked after.  I loved to gloat about that one, and while he’d always agree at mom’s insistence, once we were around the corner he’d speed off and only come back for me when he was ready to head home.  I’m pretty sure I told on him. 

Sounds like a pretty normal sibling relationship, yeah? 

Just wait.

My favorite memories are of playing on the backyard swings with my brother, taking the dog for a walk, laughing as we wrestled with dad on the floor in front of the TV, and making memories as only a brother and sister can.

And the older we got, the better it got. I started to appreciate my big brother even more.  I looked up to him more than anyone else, and the example he set for me was always good.  Whether it was in school, or at home, or with friends, there was never a time when I couldn’t look to my big brother for an example of the person I wanted to be.  He was my hero. 

I remember how Tony always knew what he believed in, and he was always willing to stand by it.  I saw that in him and it made me want to know what I believed in too.  I remember going to my brother and asking him questions about God, about politics, and about how to integrate our faith in the society we lived in.  His answers always impressed me and made me think. He knew the Bible and would point to passages that related to what we were talking about.  He inspired me to know more, to be more, and to grow in my faith. 

I remember one time in high school—I was a freshman and he was a junior---and it was one the first days of school. We were standing in a group of his friends and some other upperclassman.  Someone asked Tony who his best friend was, and without hesitating, he put an arm around my neck and said my sister is.  I’ll never forget that moment.  My heart soared with pride. 

I think it was high school that was the turning point for Tony and I.  Our relationship morphed into a deep friendship and appreciation for one another.  He became my best friend.  We’d have brother-sister nights at the movies, we’d talking about everything (even things we didn’t want mom and dad to know….solidarity!), he rescued me (and laughed at me) when I got my car stuck in the snow on more than one occasion, we were roommates in college one year, and when I interned at the US Embassy in London my junior year of college, he visited me and we went to Italy together.  Those were some precious memories 

We’ve seen each other through all the curve balls life has thrown our way, and he’s been a sounding board and listening ear every single time I’ve needed one.  I love him more than I could ever say.  I look up to him for the person he’s always been, for the person he is now, and for the person I see him becoming.  I am so proud to call him my brother, and feel incredibly blessed that God saw fit to give me the precious gift of a big brother. 

So why am I telling you all of this? 

Because, as Adam and I began to talk about starting a family, we talked a lot about how we wanted our little girl to have the special gift of a big brother.   Adam is a big brother, too, and he understands the importance of that role.  I know what an incredible gift I was given in mine, and I’ve always wanted my little girl to have that built-in protector, that partner in crime, and that best friend she’ll know her whole life through.  I’ve always wanted her to have a big-brother hero, just like I do. 

While Adam and I would have been overjoyed with whatever God had planned for our family, we always hoped that we’d welcome a little boy first, because we both know how important big brothers are, what an important job they play, and what a precious, precious gift they represent.

And so, it is with incredible joy that we share with you the results from Friday’s ultrasound:

It’s a boy.

It's a......

......BABY!

We're stoked.  The ultrasound went so well, and I was in awe of the tiny human doing somersaults on screen.  This little one was kicking and rolling and even flashed us the number 1 sign in one of the pictures!  That's our kid.  We're pretty smitten.

I'm sorry I can't reveal the gender just yet.  Rest assured that we know and that we are SO excited to share.  However, I have to ask you to wait just one more day.  Adam and I are planning a small "gender reveal" party tomorrow for our two families, and it just wouldn't be fair to tell anyone else until we've told all the aunts, uncles, grandparents and great-grandparents!

I did want to post this little update because the ultrasound revealed a possible complication for mommy.  Right now, my placenta is sitting less than a centimeter away from my cervix, meaning that I am at risk for a condition known as placenta previa.  Nothing is for sure yet, but the risk is there and so we are asking you to pray.  Most cases detected this early correct themselves as the uterus grows and contracts and the placenta moves away from the cervix opening.  We're not worried, but we are taking it before the Almighty Lord and asking that he intervene to protect this baby and pregnancy right up until the end.  We are confident that His plan is perfect!

Thank you for praying, and we can't wait to share the news of Baby B!

Fastforward

Well, I guess it's official.  I've been one bad blogger.  Has a whole month really gone by??

Let me give a brief recap of life since I last wrote:

• In early February, we celebrated a very special Valentine's Day.  We had been planning to spend the weekend prior at the coast, but at the last minute our plans changed and we ended up sticking around town.  We had a romantic dinner a local Italian restaurant and just keep it really low key, enjoying this season of just the two of us time.  It was pretty special, since that season is rapidly coming to a close. 

• About two weeks ago, we had our fifteen week checkup with our doctor, who reported that we have a healthy, happy, mobile baby who was doing back flips and somersaults as she tried to get the heart rate reading on the doppler. 

• Just about a week and a half ago, that mobile baby made its presence known to mom and dad, with what I can best describe as little bubbles popping inside my tummy.  It's an amazing feeling to know that those little bubbles mean a human baby is dancing and kicking inside my belly.  As time goes on, I'm also finding that I can interact more and more with this little human inside of me; today, I played it music and enjoyed the little bubble-responses I was getting.   I can also get a reaction when I gently rub my hands over my growing belly.  Adam especially loves this--even though he can't feel the baby kick yet, he loves to rub my belly and watch my face to see if his voice and/or touch elicited any sort of reaction.  I love this too because it does.   

• After our last OB appointment, we scheduled our 20 week ultrasound for March 30th.  Yes, this is the day that we will find out if we're having a baby girl or a baby boy...and we're less than two weeks away!!  It's also the day that we'll be learning a whole lot about this baby's development so far--the doctors will be taking all sorts of measurements and looking for all the progress benchmarks that indicate a healthy baby and a healthy pregnancy.  Please join us in praying God's continued protection over our precious little one.  We are already so very much in love with this life God has blessed us with. 

• The last month has also brought some anxiety over jobs for next year.  I'm a teacher in a school district that is basically bankrupt.  Right now, the district is projecting layoffs of anywhere from 250-400 teachers for next year, and depending on where the line is drawn, I may or may not have a job in the upcoming year.  In the beginning we were very fearful, especially with the added responsibility of a baby, but quickly came to the conclusion that, again, this road is ours to walk in faith.  God's timing in this journey has been impeccable--He has orchestrated all the details of our lives to perfectly align to His perfect plan, and we are confidant that He will do it again. We expect to know more about the job situation in April, and are resting in the absolute assurance we have in the Father and praising God for His continued faithfulness in our lives.  

• Toby and Emma "graduated" from obedience classes in mid-March, and I put that in quotations because we didn't actually attend the graduation ceremony.  I had a school event that I was running that night, and Adam chose not to take Emma and Toby as a single dad.  Had we attended graduation, I feel confidant that (my trainee) Toby would have passed with flying colors!  Emma (Adam's trainee)....well, not so much.  Poor girl is just too much of a social butterfly!  During off leash healing practice, she was much more interested in greeting the other dogs and owners than sticking anywhere near Adam's side.   It was quite the comedic relief for the rest of us, if I do say so myself.  Our trainer told my parents at graduation (their dog was in the class, too) that she'd "love to get her hands on Emma for some private lessons".  Oh boy.  I bet she would.

My last piece of big news (well, at least for me) is that spring break has officially arrived!!  I feel like singing the Hallelujah Chorus and doing a little booty shake to celebrate that it's finally here.  My big plans for the break include some serious relaxation, the purchase of a baby crib, and helping Adam paint the nursery (okay, who am I kidding...no way he'll actually let me paint). In fact, today we went shopping for cribs and found one we really like!  We're letting it marinate before we go back and pull the trigger, so to speak. 

To polish this post off, here's a sneak peak of some of the things we'll be working on in the baby room over the break:

Our wall color: "Rainwashed" by Sherwin Williams.  I am in love with it.

The nursery will change very subtly depending on what we find out on the 30th.  This is my basic color palette. 

And this is the crib we like.   

Love, actually.

First Trimester Recap

Now that I am officially into my second trimester, I think it’s time for a recap!  I talk to so many people who tell me to write everything down so I don't forget....so here we go:

Just to remind you, here I was at 4 ½ weeks (aka: in the you-can’t-see-nothin’ stage)

And now, here I am today.  In these picture I’m just about 14 weeks along (and I got a new haircut!)

As far as the belly goes, it’s the weirdest thing.  Some mornings I wake up and don’t look pregnant at all.  I turn from side to side in the mirror and think where did the baby go?!  Other days I wake up and wonder how on earth my belly could have doubled in size overnight.  On all days, I definitely look more pregnant by the end of the day than I did when I wake up.  For a baby that’s only the size of a lemon, and a uterus that hasn’t fully begun to pooch out this early on…..that’s normal. 

So what do I want to remember about the first trimester?

• At 12 weeks, the baby’s heart was beating at 164BPM

• I never had a single day of morning sickness, or nausea for that matter.

• I started wearing maternity pants around 11 weeks, although most of my pants stopped fitting around 9 weeks (just in the belly—they fit in the legs and hips perfectly…but I couldn’t get them to button to save my life)

• No food aversions or cravings, but I have been loving every opportunity I have to eat.  Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies are a current favorite, as are root beer floats with vanilla frozen yogurt.  

• I haven’t felt any “quickening” (baby flutters) yet, although they could be starting anytime now ("normal" can be anywhere between 13 and 26ish weeks along)…I am very excited

• So far, I’ve gained about 5 ½ pounds and am trying to be really good about exercise—I’m on the treadmill at least four times a week, and I try to stay really active during the day

• I’ve had four prenatal visits up at OHSU, and one with our new OB.  We’ll see the doctor again at 15 weeks, and then will find out the sex at 20 weeks (which is the week of Adam’s birthday in April!)

• We have a girl name (Addison Rose) but have decided we aren't actually sold on the boy name (previously Elijah James) just yet.  We have a new idea, but are going to let it marinate for a while before announcing it :) 

I think that's just about it.  I can't think of anything else notable in the first trimester.  It was pretty perfect--all glory to God on that one.  

We continue to pray Isaiah 40:11 over this little baby, and every day, the reality that we're having a baby becomes more and more real.  In fact, I had one of those wow-this-is-real moments today in church, when we sang this song: 



I love the song.  The words minister to my soul, but today as I was singing I found myself struck in a new way.  

I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know You're drawing
Me to Yourself, lead me Lord I pray

Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

As I sang those words,I looked down at the little pooch of my belly, and hot little tears formed in the corners of my eyes as I put my hands right above the place where God is growing in me a life.  And I changed the words to the song, as an earnest prayer to the God I serve:

I give this life to the Potter's hand

It was a powerful moment for me.  God has entrusted us with this life, with His child.  It's our job to raise this little one to know Him, and to walk with Him.  Before it was ever conceived, before I ever carried this baby in my womb, we had committed it to God.  Lord, walk beside us.

Baby ears

I’ve been wondering a lot recently about when this baby will be able to hear me.  Adam and I talk to this baby all the time, and we stroke the spot on my belly where we imagine our baby is lying, but lately I’ve just been desperate to know when I can talk to it and know that it’s listening. 

And so I did what I always do when I have a pregnancy question like that: I googled it.

Basically, the answer seems to be somewhere between 19-22 weeks (about 6 weeks to go), but in the process of finding that answer I stumbled across this article:

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), the whooshing sound your baby hears in your womb is, to them, louder than a vacuum cleaner! However, most experts do agree that your baby can be startled by loud, unexpected noises – research has found that these jarring disruptions can change your baby’s heart rate, movements or even prompt them to empty their bladders, according to WebMD. Many pregnant women have reported a fetal jerk or kick at the sound of a backfiring car or slamming door.

This being said, it’s also been found that a fetus’ heart rate often slows when they hear mom talking. So there’s a good chance baby not only hears you, but recognizes your voice and finds comfort in it. While it appears that the fetus can pick up specific speech patterns, it’s unlikely that it can pinpoint words – rather, it’s the tone that resonates with them, particularly low frequency sounds like dad’s voice.

And I stopped reading, because I couldn’t see through the tears running down my face.  My baby, before it ever meets me or feels my touch, will know me as mommy and be comforted by the sound of my voice. 

I’m in awe of that, and we are so in love with this precious baby. 

12 Weeks

Today we met our new OB.  This is the woman who will bring our precious baby into the world, the woman who will say to Adam and I meet your new baby ____ (fill in the blank) and hand that little bundle of love over.  This lady is important.

And man, we loved her!! 

Our hearts are full of thanksgiving yet again as we leave a doctor's appointment with nothing but good news.  Although we didn't get to see the baby on ultrasound (this will be a hard transition for me...OHSU does them every visit) we did get to hear the baby on the hand held doppler.  I've said it before and I'll say it again: that is my favorite sound in the world.

I had a full physical and my "girl exam" (I missed my yearly one because we were in the middle of in vitro) and got to talk some baby talk with our OB.  Delivery options, screening options..the works.  I love getting to talk about what it's going to look like when I deliver our baby.  Still doesn't quite seem real to me.

We left today with two new appointments.  One is our 16 week appointment in early March, and the other is in April (right around Adam's birthday) for our 20 week GENDER REVEAL ultrasound!  So excited for this one :)

I also wanted to note that as of Wednesday, I am officially in my second trimester.  What?  I'm not sure how that happened, but we feel so blessed.

The only thing left to do now?

Announce the news to 550 students, parents and staff at the school where I teach....